I Am Always Right, you are always wrong!!!!

I’ve been around the proverbial block in the world of the music business. A lot like your sister has been around whatever cockroach-infested block you live on. I know shit, and I’m going to tell you things I’ve experienced firsthand as well as through friends and acquaintances who have been involved at various levels of this shit-sandwich business. As I go along with these posts, you may get rattled because I firmly believe in being brutally honest. But I’ll try not to hurt you too bad. No, fuck that: I’ll include very colorful language and comments that will thoroughly piss off most of you, a result that I couldn’t possibly be happier about. Through pain comes growth. Remember that, if you can, but I won’t hold my fucking breath on it.

 

The TRUTH, as with any antiseptic medicine applied to an open wound, hurts like a mutha. But once the area is thoroughly cleaned and sterilized, hopefully you will be the wiser for it. If you’re not, that’s your fucking problem, not mine. Still, my goal is to educate and even possibly rehabilitate as many of you developmentally disabled head trauma “Tards” as possible. Will it work? No, but I don’t really give a fuck. Your mother wanted a normal child – did it work? No, and I’m sure she didn’t give a fuck either. She’s probably sitting there right now in her shack saying, “I don’t give a fuck, I don’t give a fuck, I don’t give a fuck. Why did I have kids? Somebody please put an end to it all!” As long as I do my part to help you, that’s all that counts because, as you’ll soon discover, I AM ALL that COUNTS. I AM ALWAYS RIGHT, you are always wrong.

Practically all of you are brainless sheep that go along with whatever mongrel you’re told is good or great. And practically all of you lack any congnitive ability to recognize the difference between true quality talent versus the shit coming outta your ass. This is where I step in.

 

The bulk of my writings will be in the form of strong, venomous attacks. This is necessary since the amount of horribly putrid musical talent and gutless product I’ve been forced to stomach, has been staggering since the 1960’s but even more abominable since the unearthing of rap/hip-hop (thank you Aerosmith assholes you fuckin bastards! Read about it here-> The Aerosmith rap/hip hop Connection  http://crappystruth.wordpress.com/2007/07/26/the-aerosmith-raphip-hop-connection/ ) and the band Nirvana, who put the final nail in the lid of the real rock/metal scene coffin in 1991. Their album title “Nevermind” should have been a clue, but most of you people didn’t fucking take it literally, and now we’re all paying for it. Here’s an old saying that many of you have probably heard: There’s only one thing better than Kurt Cobain killing himself at 27 years old – Kurt Cobain killing himself at 26 years old. Come to think if it, I guess I can think of 25 things that would have been even better.

 

There are very popular shitty guitarists out there, and some of these are ancient derelicts that have been lingering like polio since the 60’s. These are guys who are so fucked up, you could put them in an empty room with two ball bearings and in ten minutes they’d fuckin break one and lose the other. I have issues with all of them because they suck and I don’t, and I’m sure you’re going to want to know how I could EVER say such HORRIBLE things about these worthless, talentless, gutless losers.

 

Just to give ya a little taste as to who I’m talking about here are some initials of these pathetic “Tards”: E.C., C.S., Z.W., J.P., B.S. (B.S. also claims to sing too). I can say those things because I know what the fuck I’m talking about. I’ll go into detail about all of these shitheads, A.K.A. “legends,” when in reality they are true paper tigers, so get ready. On the other side of this rat sewage, there’s truly a lot of incredible talent here in the states as well as abroad that I can’t talk up enough – REAL TALENT, in other words, not some jack-off playing a left-handed piece of shit guitar like a Sears paint shaker while wearing his old man’s filthy beer and guacamole stained bowling shirt (read “Cobain, the heroin addict cocksucker”…coming soon!), and I’ll inform you of everything you need to know where all that’s concerned. Fortunately there’s a silver lining to all this. It’s called ME.

 

So you’ve got a LOT to look forward to in learning about the music business as well as what music to begin listening to and supporting. Plus you can look forward to being smarter, brighter and more appealing than you ever thought possible. Won’t that be a motherfucking change for the better!

 

Now, to quote a famous metal front-man……”Let the Madness Begin!!!!”

 

 

For a very spicy between-meal snack, (when you take a break from shoving fucking Big Macs down your gullet), you can check me out at www.youtube.com/crappystruth .

 

 

If you want me to get you a date with a chick you’d have a chance with, write me and tell me where your mother lives. No, I’m kidding. I’m fucking there right now and she’s outside dealing with the fucking cops.

 

Finally, if you’d like me to personally bust your fucking ass, you can write me at crappystruth@yahoo.com Maybe I’ll write ya back if I’m not too busy enjoying my life and if you can form sentences ya jackass!!

Your pal, Crappy

Evil Will Always Triumph Because Good Is Dumb!

That’s my thought for the Day.

Crappy’s Guitar 101: Episode 4 Legato

           Aahhhh….The smooth fluidity of lines played in the legato form. Notes seem to flow from one to the next in an effortless rainbow wave akin to a cloud-like roller coaster without the nauseating, butterfly, and stomach dropping feel. Five players that have just outstanding legato are 1. The legendary insane Shawn Lane. 2 The also legendary Allan Holdsworth. 3. Bret Garsed.  4. Greg Howe. 5. Craig Collins Turner.  Legato is done two ways:

 

 

1a. By picking the first note, then hammering-on the other 1 or 2 next notes.

Example: Using your first, second (or third) and fourth fingers(little finger/pinky). First finger on the E string 15th fret, second (or third) finger E string 17th fret and fourth finger E string 19th fret.

 

 

1b. Or, not picking any notes and strictly hammering-on.  But, if you use the pic, make the pick strike volume the same as the volume of the left hand hammering on. Using your finger (index or middle finger) to strike the string instead of the pick, will allow you to control the volume better and you’ll be able to maintain a consistant volume and tone.  

 

 

2. Incorporating both hammering-on and pulling-off. When descending, picking the pinky finger note and pulling-off the rest. The reverse of example 1a.

 

 

 

 

          Perfect legato to me sounds seamless where the notes seem to slightly over lap. You should not necessarily hear the first (starting) note in the line louder than the following notes. You will notice it if the first note on each string is struck harder to get things going. Another name for this is the first note is ”accented.”

 

          Something else to keep in mind is not to pull off. If you’re going to descend, hammer-on the descending lines notes. Pulling off will change the tonal quality and then you’ll lose the uniform tone of hammering-on. I’m not saying you can’t pull-off ever, but just keep in mind the tonal difference if you’re trying to maintain a constant fluid tone. Don’t be afraid to slide your fingers around too. 

 

 

           When Yngwie legato’s he has a much more staccato tone when he hammers down, and he hammers down pretty hard. So, unless you’re listening closely to what he’s doing, everything sounds picked when it may not be.

 

 

          Warren De Martini and George Lynch do quite a bit of legato in their playing and it sounds very cool. Since their style is hard rock, rock can be very forgiving and you can get away with some things that you may not be able to in Progressive Fusion.

 

 

      

           So, there’s a little legato lesson for ya. Have fun playing around with it….

 

 

Crappy….

Episode 1 Pickup Abusers

http://crappystruth.wordpress.com/2009/04/10/crappys-guitar-101-episode-1-pickup-abusers/

Yngwie Johann Malmsteen: A Legend, A Pioneer And An Inspiration To Us All

               Yngwie Johann Malmsteen (born Lars Johan Yngve Lannerbäck ) is A Legend, A Pioneer And An Inspiration To Us All. And,  has RIGHTFULLY EARNED the RESPECT of every last one of you filthy, stinking, degenerate, mutherfuckin’ THANKLESS and UNGRATEFUL FUCKIN’ SHEEP RAPISTS, for BEING THE SOLE CREATOR of something that NEVER EXISTED before he came along.

 

 

               Yngwie has been viciously attacked for more years than I care to count. The insults I hear are among the most brainless I’ve heard about anyone. Bullshit about his weight and his poor interview skills are two I’ve heard too many times. Really, who gives a fuckin‘ shit??! And, why would you give a fuckin’ shit???!!! The massive bulk of you filthy, poser fakes, beating up on your own guitar, can’t speak well enough when ordering fries at a drive-through. Of all the players I’ve had the sincere pleasure of meeting, knowing and becoming good friends with throughout the years, and there have been many, Yngwie is the only one that’s slipped through my radar. A number of times we’ve just missed each other by only a few minutes.

 

 

              

               I’ve heard stories both nice and not so nice about Yngwie’s behavior. And, in the end, do you buy someones music, for the kind of person they are in their personal life, or do you buy their music for…..THEIR MUSIC? The enjoyment their music gives you. I’ll tell ya right now, I never have, nor will I EVER base my purchase of an artist’s music on their personality. And, unless all of you are hypocrites, (Sadly, most of you are hypocrites.) YOU WON’T EITHER.

 

 

               

               Now, since I’m right about every fuckin‘ thing I say and write, this column will be just the same. Yngwie has problems, hey, don’t we all!! One difference between most people who are fucked up and Yngwie is, Yngwie is talented and is a pioneer (pioneering is something very few have done in anything), meaning Yngwie started the Shred movement. Yngwie is solely responsible for the concept, the idea for high speed, articulated picking and incorporating a bunch of Paganiniesque, Vivaldi and J.S. Bach flavorings, and harmonic minor into his playing. Yngwie cornered the market on these. So, anyone who tries to play too closely to this, has been called an “Yngwie Clone.” For a player to have such a powerful influence, that a name “Yngwie clone” is created, is really incredible. No other player has matched this feat.

 

 

 

                Before Yngwie, SHREDDING DID NOT EXIST. So, the terms “shred, shredding, shredder” NEVER EXISTED and were applied to Yngwie FIRST. The term “shredded” came into existence first with bodybuilding, describing how extremely lean or “shredded” a bodybuilder was during their competition shows, and then drifted over to describing the technical prowess of guitar players around 1985/1986 and expanded to a few variations.

 

                 

 

                For the six or so years following Edward Van Halen’s meteoric rise to legendary status, prior to Yngwie’s debut release of “Rising Force,” (which by the way earned Yngwie a Grammy nomination) most current and every new player of the time, took advantage of the easy-to-do, and speed of doing the two-handed hammer-on pull-offs that Edward exposed us too. Many people used this technique as a “CRUTCH” (a crutch, sound familiar??!?). A few up-and-coming players at the time tried to stay away from this technique or did very little of it. Randy Rhoads and Jake E. Lee were two players who mostly stayed away from it but used it sparingly. Yngwie put a stop to all this two-handed bullshit.

 

 

 

              Yngwie picked faster than everyone was doing their two-handed shit, and many, many people admitted to total disbelief upon their first few listening’s of Rising Force, that they thought the recording was sped up. Yngwie woke up everyone to the idea that, we better get off out asses, stop bullshitting ourselves and start to really put in time to be a quality player. Yngwie elevated the electric guitar from being what a 60’s scumbag-drug-addict used, to being a respected instrument and to be taken seriously with a world of legitimate potential. 

 

 

                

                One gutless comment I hear about every new Yngwie album that comes out, from countless people is, “It’s sounds just like every other Yngwie album.” Yngwie created something from essentially nothing, and then you fuckers say it sounds like every other album. It sounds like Yngwie. You can make that same exact “sounds like every other album by fill in the blank” comment, about EVERY artist that has ever existed. That’s right!!! EVERY OTHER ARTIST!!!!! Every artist is doing what they do, but when Yngwie is doing his style, suddenly it’s a bad thing. THAT IS CALLED BEING A HYPOCRITE.

 

 

 

             If you’re gonna say that about Yngwie, then tell the truth and say it about ALL. So, will you? Of course you won’t, because so many of you are gutless, spineless fuckin’ cowards. Afraid to stand out, afraid to be a “man.” Afraid to be an individual and not follow what your friends “the sheep” say. Afraid to stake your own claim in this life. No, you won’t, you have no balls. And, you’ll continue to stand on the sidelines and watch life pass you by, and you’ll be a Monday morning quarterback. Yngwie did it HIS WAY. Yngwie may be the only well known player that has stayed true to what he does, and he will be remembered as the legendary pioneer that HE IS.

 

                                                     So, fuck you.

 

 

              Yngwie has consistently, consistently superior vibrato and bends, both always perfectly to pitch. Always a clean, clean player. And he has been a very good songwriter including writing his own lyrics. His phrasing is very unique and outstanding. My personal favorite lead is from the song “You Don’t Remember, I’ll Never Forget.” His lead in this song I feel is his best. Every time I hear this I can feel the screaming bloody agony of a ripped apart heart. The emotional, broken hearted pain of this song is in every single second. And when the lead happens, I haven’t heard anyone write and then perform phrasing with such intense, realistic suffering ever in my life. So, if all you hear is some fast notes, that tells me you haven’t heard Yngwie, and you are the musical illiterates I’ve always known you filthy trash to be.

 

              The song “Marching Out” is another outstanding song. It’s a very sexual instrumental. “Brothers” off of Seventh Sign is another beautiful instrumental, it sounds like it maybe should be named something else because it sounds like it’s written for a lost love too. And, to me 1:52-2:16 sounds like he’s screaming to the heavens to return that one true love. Yngwie’s version of “Child in Time” is terrific. Open your fuckin’ ears, you stupid bastards and listen.

My suggestions if you’re a new guitar user for Yngwie Cd’s to get, would be these to get a good idea, and in no particular order:

 

1. Rising Force

2. Marching Out

3. Trilogy

4. Fire and Ice

 

Crappy.

 

 

P.S. In 1987 Yngwie was in a serious car accident and was in a coma for a week and was not expected to live. Here’s a legendary, pioneering player who survived a near death accident. We are all fortunate to have this legendary player still with us today. I can think of many people that wish Randy was still with us. Me among them.

Crappy’s Guitar 101: Episode 3 Vibrato and Bending notes

          This may be the most ignored and over looked ability, while being one of the easiest things to do correctly, and when done correctly, sounds just great. Not to mention, extremely important. Vibrato and note bending is a close family member, brother really, to using the vibrato bar as I covered in Episode 2.

 

 

         Let’s say you can’t pick for shit. Let’s also say, your left hand legato or your left hand anything is also worthless, and you’re lucky to pluck a few notes. Well pal, you’re in luck. Because, being able to bend and vibrato will be the one thing you will be able to do. And, if you do what I say here, you’ll do it very well.

 

 

The Problem 1:  Shallow, Nervous, Uneven sounding vibrato and not to PITCH.

The Problem 2:  Bends that are not to PITCH.

 

 

The Fix :   LOOK then LISTEN.

 

         To vibrato correctly, look at the fret you’re on, then bend that note so the bending note will match the note one fret up.

 

EXAMPLE: You’re on the E string 15th fret, move to the 16th fret E string and pick the 16th fret E string note first to hear how it sounds. Now, go back to the 15th fret, pick that and BEND it up to sound the same as the 16th note, then lower it back down, back up, back down, back up, back down. Making very sure you are listening to only bend to that same exact note on the 16th fret E string, and then lowering the string back to it’s neutral, starting position. Do not bend it beyond the sound of the 16th fret note and don’t fall short of the 16th fret note. There, IT IS THAT EASY.    

 

 

Bending a note is almost identical as using vibrato. Except….

 

EXAMPLE: Except you are bending beyond one fret most of the time. You are going to have to figure out a little in advance where you are on the fret board, and the note you’re going to bend to. In most cases, when someone who knows what they’re doing, they normally will bend 1-3 frets up from their starting point and know that the note they’re bending up to will make sense musically. Your ear is very important in developing both of these techniques.

 

 

           

           When bending a note, more so than vibratoing, have your third finger (ring finger) on the note that’s ringing with the middle and first fingers helping the third finger to bend the note. Also, you can use the fourth finger (pinky) on the note you’re ringing with the other three fingers helping. The more fingers involved, the more strength and control you’ll have to do this technique correctly. When vibratoing, I would still suggest using the third or fourth finger on the ringing note.

 

 

            

             For crying out loud!! Don’t pull a fuckin’ B.B. King, and vibrato with your first finger (index finger)!! It’s not because B.B. King is as wide as he is tall. It’s not because he plays his guitar laying horizontally on top of his fat gut. It’s not because he’s older than dirt. It’s not because he plays an absolutely hideous piece of shit guitar. It’s because doing what he does puts a lot of stress on your finger joint. And just because you might get away with it now, doesn’t mean you always will. And, you don’t know what kind of hand problems King has because of his uneducated, Lucille, crossroads bullshit. So, don’t be a fuckin’ wise-ass!!! Plus, you don’t have any control that’s worth a fuck!!

 

        

          

           A more advanced type of vibrato is what Steve Vai does. Stevie, trys to vibrato as close to the way a violinist and cellist does, which is rocking your finger forward and backward. Doing this creates a true vibrato by making the note go sharp (pulling it backwards away from the fret) and then flat (pushing it forward into the fret).  Well, since a guitar has frets, this is very difficult to do well, if not borderline impossible and impractical. So what Vai has done, is to vibrato with a circular motion in order to try to capture a true vibrato with the pushing and pulling. You could also say he’s massaging the string.

 

             

 

          If you don’t have the time or desire to develop any other technical ability, and want to still sound good, then a little time to get this down and I mean get it down well, then these two things will give you the best bang for your buck. By far the quickest and easiest things to learn and master. Just don’t do it half-assed, because it WILL SOUND HALF-ASSED!!!

 

 

love,

       Crappy.

 

 

p. s. What the fuck are you waiting for??!!  Close your other windows with porn and Go!! Start!!!!!!!!

 

 

Episode 4 Legato below

 

http://crappystruth.wordpress.com/2009/08/01/crappy%e2%80%99s-guitar-101-episode-4-legato/

 

 

 

Episode 1 Pickup Abusers

http://crappystruth.wordpress.com/2009/04/10/crappys-guitar-101-episode-1-pickup-abusers/

Crappy’s Guitar 101: Episode 2 Using the Vibrato Bar

Hello again kiddies!!

                              And, here is the next installment of me busting your musically illiterate fuckin‘ asses in the form of, “Crappy’s Guitar 101.”  “Hooray!!!! Thanks Crappy!!!! I have needed my pathetic fuckin’ ass kicked for years!!!! And, you’ve got the size 12 to bury straight up my sphincter into my ribcage!!!!!”

 

                    Alright, down to the business of using the vibrato bar (a.k.a. whammy bar). I was a guest clinician of sorts discussing and demonstrating the proper use of the vibrato bar. How to accurately recreate the sights and sounds of Steve Vai and Joe Satriani’s bar antics. This was the type of playing Vai did specifically before he began his then, new love affair and procreation with the Eventide H3000, which evolved into the Orville and now the juggernaut-monster-incarnate, the H8000 FW.

 

 

                  There must be something genetically malformed in most people who try to use a vibrato bar. Sometimes I wonder if it should be off limits for someone new and even intermediate at guitar, to fuck with a vibrato bar.

 

The Problem:  Using the bar so it sounds like the user is shivering in -2 degree weather outside.

 

                  Taking the bar and hitting a harmonic or just a random note and making small, fast, up and down movements with the bar. Now, you’re supposed to be trying to duplicate in someway a real guitar player like Vai, Satch, or EVH’s attempts. “Gosh!! Why won’t it work for me??!!” Well, there are 3 reasons why it’s not working for you, numb-nut!!

 

1. YOU’RE NOT LISTENING to the artist you’re trying to duplicate.

2. YOU’RE NOT LISTENING to the artist you’re trying to duplicate.

3. You’re not using the full range of movement the bar offers.

 

The Fix:

 

1. LISTEN CLOSELY to what the artist is doing.

2. LISTEN CLOSELY to what the artist is doing.

3. Experiment with the wide range of movement the bar has to offer. Exaggerate the notes, making them long.

 

Even if you don’t have an Edge, Floyd or Schaller-Floyd, but you have the original standard, cheap-crap bridge that came with the guitar, that goes outta tune if you just look at it pissed, you can get some frequencies going. In most cases you should be able to copy fairly close to what their doing if you follow “The Fix”

 

There, and it IS, just that easy!

 

Crappy….

Episode 3 Below:

http://crappystruth.wordpress.com/2009/06/11/crappy%e2%80%99s-guitar-101-episode-3-vibrato-and-bending-notes/

Episode 1 Below:

http://crappystruth.wordpress.com/2009/04/10/crappys-guitar-101-episode-1-pickup-abusers/

Crappy’s Guitar 101: Episode 1 Pickup Abusers or Pickup Fuck-ups

          In this new column entitled “Crappy’s Guitar 101″ I’m going to talk about the DO’s and DONT’s of guitardom. This will be a limited run of columns and won’t necessarily be a regular column as in weekly or monthly. But rather, when I feel like it. So, for this alone you may want to check back.

 

         I’ve decided to attempt to teach you knuckle-dragging, cavemen mongrels (if it’s at all possible to teach people so brain-damaged as yourselves) some simple tips, brain-numbing obvious things and general ideas you can implement, to improve your own pathetic playing. Or as I like to call it, your hacking away on that poor defenseless instrument the same as you’re chopping a small tree with a hatchet. Now, playing a guitar well, is not as hard as so many of you may think. Although, for some of you getting that beer or joint to your mouth is a challenge.

 

 

         Because playing the electric guitar technically speaking, is relatively simple. There are only so many ways to do it. Most are incorrect. And, I’ll cover these and other things in future 101’s. So, since there isn’t too much to it, unless you’re one of the tens of millions who like to make a mountain out of a mole hill as is done with playing guitar… my columns will be relatively short. My columns will be broken down into two (2) categories:

 

1. The Problem

 

2. The Fix

 

        Today, I will educate you birdbrain’s about proper use of pickups. When to use which one. What to use when you practice.

 

        I thought youtube was a great Internet goodie in the beginning. Now, it’s more painful than it is fun when watching some kind of music. It allows me to see just how vast the number is of jack-asses who can’t play guitar, and then are complimented be equally stupid, spectator assholes encouraging them by leaving positive comments.

 

The Problem:      Abusing the FRONT or NECK pickup. 

 

This IS the biggest fuck-up I see (AND HEAR!!). On youtube and at any local guitar store.

 

The name of the front pickup is “THE CHEAT PICKUP.”

 

           It’s called the cheat pickup because, if you can’t play clean, flip to the cheat to cover up ALL of your mistakes. The low frequency bass that cuts out most of the treble “HIDES” what you are really doing. And, what you’re really doing is SLOP, SLOP, SLOPPY!!  You are CHEATING!!! You are NOT playing FAST, YOU ARE NOT PLAYING CLEAN. YOU ARE FAKING!!! YOU REALLY CAN NOT PLAY FAST OR CLEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are lying to everyone listening and most importantly, you are lying to yourself. You putrid fuckers really think you’re kidding US??!!!!!!…..THE EXPERTS!!!!!!!! You LIARS think you’re tricking us, putting one over on us. Bull-Fuckin’-Shit!!!

 

           The front pickup is a crutch to those who can’t play. To those who can play, it’s just another tool for the creation process of this art form.

 

The Fix: The Bridge Pickup aka Rear Pickup.

 

The bridge pickup, DOES NOT LIE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The bridge pickup TELLS THE TRUTH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The bridge pickup TELLS THE WORLD THE TRUTH ABOUT THE PLAYER YOU REALLY ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Using the bridge pickup will EXPOSE EVERYTHING YOU ARE DOING WRONG!!!!!!!!

And, for this reason alone, you will use the bridge pickup EXCLUSIVELY DURING YOUR NORMAL DAILY PRACTICING.  

 

When you can play CLEAN with the bridge pickup, you then may use the front pickup as desired and NOT AS A CRUTCH.

 

 Here endeth today’s lesson.

 

Crappy xo

Click the link here for Episode 2: 

http://crappystruth.wordpress.com/2009/05/26/crappys-guitar-101-episode-2-using-the-vibrato-bar/

80′S HARD ROCK AND HEAVY METAL, AND THE ROCK-SOLID, FOUNDATIONAL REASONS WHY IT’S THE GREATEST DECADE OF MUSIC SO FAR. PART 1:

                                        PART 1

 

           The title says it all. The 80’s were the greatest and most prolific decade of music. What’s also nice, is the 80’s hard rock and heavy metal scene actually spanned more than 10 years. It officially began in 1978 with the release of the most influential and legendary album in all of rock ‘n roll history, “Van Halen” also known today as Van Halen 1. And, this glorious and beautiful time ended as late as the early to middle portion of 1993. We need a little history first. So……

 

                                THE 60′S

 

 

          The 60’s were the freedom movement. Experimentation with mind altering drugs as well as experimenting with what could be done with the analog studio equipment available at that time. Jimi Hendrix and The Beatles played the biggest part in this experimentation. On a side note, I do feel Jimi Hendrix is the godfather and pioneer of what we do with an electric guitar today. I know people who think Hendrix was just a noise maker, which I strongly disagree with. If this is true, that Hendrix was just a noise maker, then, out of kaos comes order. And Jimi is still justified.

 

        

           That justification can easily be heard by listening to Edward Van Halen and Steve Vai. Edward refining what Jimi did, and Steve, again refining what Edward did. Steve Vai is a kind of ”higher educated” Edward Van Halen if you will. I’m not saying Vai is an Edward clone at all. So, for you cock-suckers who say that you don’t need to know arpeggios, scales or theory of any kind, go tell that to Steve Vai. Steve Vai is the most successful and highest respected guitar player by people who’s I.Q. is in the 3 digits (aka guitar hero and my definition of this) in rock history, second only to Edward Van Halen. And, Edward getting some musical education from his father and at Pasadena City College. Uli Jon Roth is also from the 60’s and continues through today. He played a part in some known players development, but not mine. I do respect him, but I just don’t care for his stuff. Who is Uli Jon Roth? Go do some homework ya lazy pricks! In short, with few “accidental” exceptions that I solely rule on, the 60’s were a bunch of stoned, folk songwriters tinkering with an electric guitar.

 

 

                                THE 70′S

 

 

             The 70’s. Now, here is where things begin to get a little interesting. To start with…..Boston. This band was just great. They genuinely cared about the sound quality and taking their time (unlike anyone else at the time) to make sure their product was perfectly done. And, it was. Boston was the first band to have absolutely outstanding production quality in every way. And, Boston was the first band to showcase real multi-layered guitars that to this day, are still so beautiful and the starting point for what could be done with multiple guitar harmonies performed perfectly. Not to mention their harmony phrasings are just fuckin’ IT!! Guitar harmonies that no matter what state of mind I’m in, still touch me very deeply.

 

 

            Rainbow. The band Rainbow formed by Ritchie Blackmore, that allowed him to do more of what he felt to limited to do in Deep Purple. Black Sabbath who was better with Ronnie James Dio than ever with Ozzy. There were bands in the 70’s, Rainbow among them, that began to use orchestras and in some cases 70+ member orchestras in the recording of the album and to tour with, that was very ground breaking. Things called “Rock Operas” were happening more often. Some names of the time were Phantom of The Paradise (only in movie form as far as I know and is fantastic), Rocky Horror Picture Show both live then made into a film. These concepts along with other things really stretched the imagination of live music and was truly great. What could possibly be a problem with all this great stuff??!!!

 

 

             But, there was a problem. The problem was, things were getting just too big. It was no longer about seeing a band. It became something very different and they got lost in the grandeur of it all, and needed to get refocused on the smaller 4- 5 member band format. Which was the whole purpose of a band. Typically, bands of the 60’s and 70’s (with the rare exceptions of course) didn’t have any one person or two people who really stood out in the band. Everyone was pretty much the same and you really couldn’t pick out any one guy and why would you? There was nothing about the musicians that stood out to make you want to know much more. And so, most people knew the bands name but not any particular personality……

 

  Until….1978    The beginning of the 80s revolution.

 

             

 

 

                    And finally……..THE 80′S !!!!……….

 

                   ”ONE BREAK,…COMIN’ UUP!!!”

 

TOP 10 THINGS TO DO WITH “UNPLUGGED” BY ERIC CLAPTON & A REVIEW OF THE RECORD

I strongly recommend that all of you go out and buy Eric Clapton’s “Unplugged” CD. It’s one of his best-selling records. I know what you’re saying. You’re saying, “But Crappy, what the fuck am I going to do with it once I get it?” I knew you were going to say that, so I present here the Top 10 Things To Do With Eric Clapton’s “Unplugged” followed by a review of the album.

 

Top 10 Things To Do With “Unplugged”

10. Pass it around to your friends and tell them it’s music.

 

9. Throw it down in the streets of Beverly Hills and wait for Ozzy Osbourne to come by and take a piss on it.

 

8. Set up speakers in your garden and play it to keep snails off the cucumbers.

 

7. Two words: Toilet paper.

 

6. Use as picnic plates for very small people like midgets and Cambodians.

 

5. Punishment for children who fail to do their homework.

 

4. Play it at your next party and scare the shit out of all your guests by saying it’s the new Van Halen album.

 

3. Have a shooting contest where everybody gets their rifles and aims for the hole in the middle of the CD. The winner is the person who misses the hole and busts the CD all to hell.

 

2. Leave on the seats of a bunch of drunk bikers’ Harleys and run like hell.

 

1. Take a bunch of them to an Eric Clapton concert and sail them at his head each time he tries to start “Tears in Heaven.”

 

 

Crappy’s Quality Review of “Unplugged”

Here are all the tracks on this record and a brief description of what each song is about.

 

1. “Signe” – French for “sign,” here Clapton sings about signs that should tip you off that he is the shittiest musician ever to pick up a guitar.

 

2. “Before You Accuse Me” – Clapton wrote this song while in jail in Barcelona, Spain, after local authorities arrested him for performing public abortions (also known as Clapton guitar solos).

 

3. “Hey Hey” – This is a tune about the plight of the American farmer, but Clapton misspelled the word “hay.”

 

4. “Tears in Heaven” – One of Clapton’s most famous songs, mistakenly considered to be written about his son. Actually it’s Clapton’s prediction of what’s going to be happening in heaven once his no-talent ass shows up there.

 

5. “Lonely Stranger” – A beautiful ballad about Clapton’s first sexual experience.

 

6. “Nobody Knows You When You’re Down & Out” – This is a recap of Clapton’s life, dedicated to all six of his fans.

 

7. “Layla” – Another of Clapton’s biggest hits, this one about a 12-year-old Dominican prostitute named Layla who taught Clapton how to make chipolte sauce and then gave him the clap.

 

8. “Running on Faith” – A cute song about what Clapton’s been doing his whole career.

 

9. “Walkin’ Blues” – Like Alec Baldwin said in Glengarry Glen Ross, “It’s fuck or walk,” and Clapton’s been walking since the day he picked up the guitar. Here Clapton sings about his travels as a wannabe musician.

 

10. “Alberta” – A song not about the Canadian province but rather about a man Clapton once knew named Albert who was a cross-dressing male homosexual posing as a lesbian predator on life’s stage.

 

11. “San Francisco Bay Blues” – Yet another attempt on Clapton’s part to mislead his listeners into believing he can play blues.

 

12. “Malted Milk” – This song is about Clapton’s favorite mixed drink: milk spiked with Henry Weinhard’s Private Reserve, which makes no more sense than any of his songs.

 

13. “Old Love” – Here Clapton sings about income tax preparation, which was the career he was headed for before some evil motherfucker suggested he should take up the guitar.

 

14. “Rollin’ & Tumblin’” – A song about Clapton’s second sexual experience – and how he had to chase his sister all over the room before she passed out and he could rape her.

 

 

Do you want to know who I am? Who the hell is Crappystruth?? Click this link below to learn more about me.

 http://crappystruth.wordpress.com/2007/07/03/hello-world/

Miley Cyrus Turns Into A Pig

(Miley on tour in Mexico with Mexican translator)

Hannah Montana star transforms herself yet again

GUADALAJARA, MEXICO – May 22, 2008 – For those who for years have called Miley Cyrus a pig – now you can do it in all honesty. The girl who was made famous by her Hannah Montana series and the fact that her old man is a big-shot became a pig Wednesday as horrified onlookers watched.

Miley was in Mexico looking to find new friends who could tolerate her when suddenly she began to shake and dance around. People on the streets of Guadalajara thought she was going to begin an entertainment routine and naturally ran for their homes screaming and holding up crucifixes. Then without warning she turned into a 205-pound gray pig.

“She no look like Miley no more,” said Giuseppe san Lucas de Cordova, a local farmer and part-time seller of ptomaine-infested enchiladas. “All of a sudden she become peeg and look much better.”

Cordova threw a rope around Miley’s neck and began walking her toward the American Embassy in hopes someone there would know what to do with an American pop star who is a pig.

Half-way there, Miley spotted a field of mud and began pulling Cordova toward it.

“She want to play in mud,” said Cordova, who let Miley slop around for awhile before continuing the journey to the embassy. “It is like they say – you can take zee peeg out of zee mud but you no take mud from the peeg.”

Upon reaching the embassy, Miley called her agent and said, “Look, I just gained about a hundred pounds and lost about two and a half feet in height. Get my wardrobe people to create something for me to wear so I’ll still look like a slut.”

 

(Miley on tour. Miley entering hotel with her assistant in control) 

 

 

(Above: Miley greets fans outside hotel.)

 (Above) Miley preparing for runway wearing one of the Fall line of D&G sweater/harness combo’s in Milan Italy. D&G nick-name for this special Miley line is “Oink.”

 

Do you want to know who I am? Who the hell is Crappystruth?? Click this link below to learn more about me.

 http://crappystruth.wordpress.com/2007/07/03/hello-world/

Hulk Hogan fucks the best friend of his daughter Brooke “Herman Munster” Hogan…GOOD!!!!

Well, I believe it was last year in an interview on CNBC’s “The Big Idea With Donny Deutsch” that Hulk Hogan said while sitting right next to his transvestite-looking wife, Linda, seven out of ten times when he wanted to have sex with her, Linda would reject him. When a broad does this enough times, a man/husband/boyfriend WILL look for it elsewhere. As it should be. Just once for this shit is too fucking much.

 

When I hear of a man beating the shit outta his wife, I have to ask, What did this bitch do to make a man to feel she deserves a thorough beating? Thirty-plus years ago things may have been different. But today, so many fuckin’ cunts physically abuse and emasculate men, and the laws surrounding women support the fucking-over of men to such an extent, that it’s inevitable that men are more and more often becoming homicidal.

 

When these stupid broads use their vagina as a reward system, they deserve all the shit they get. I recall the bullshit games that girlfriends have played with me when I’ve been in long term relationships with them, and I’m very sure virtually ALL men at one or more times through out their lives have had some version of this happen to them. It seems this problem is exclusive to American women and women from other countries who come here and become “Americanized.”

 

I’ve heard countless men tell versions of this fucking bullshit where these bitches say, “After you clean the house / buy me a Mercedes / buy me a new house / buy me a five-karat diamond / take care of the kids / work an 80-hour work week / take me to Vegas for the weekend / send me and my fuckin’ mother on a European vacation that includes a lot of food . . . THEN you can have my pussy once a month – but no blowjobs (unless the food in Europe totally kicks ass). But remember — and I’ll always remind you, in case you forget — I’M DOING YOU A FAVOR BY LETTING YOU FUCK ME!!” Sound familiar, folks??!!!

 

Or how about, “I’m only doing this for you!” or “I’m not on birth control, so you’ll have to come on my stomach.” or “I can’t be on the pill, cause I’ll gain even more weight than my fat ass already has, and you know I wouldn’t work out anyway.” or “But you’re supposed to love me for who I am inside!” or “Who cares that I don’t give you an erection anymore?” All this, and then you cunts can’t figure out why your skull is molded to the grill of your SUV.

 

As far as Linda Hogan goes, I don’t know why Hulk would want to fuck her in the first place. I thought he had more sense than that — even though he was supposedly found suckin’ Roddy Piper’s cock through his kilt back in July of 1986.

 

 

Linda is the size of a truck. She needs someone to teach her how to apply her makeup because she looks like a circus clown. She probably needs someone to teach her how to suck dick, too.

Hulk Hogan would be a good man for this job.

 

Do you want to know who I am? Who the hell is Crappystruth?? Click this link below to learn more about me.

 http://crappystruth.wordpress.com/2007/07/03/hello-world/