I’ve been around the proverbial block in the world of the music business. A lot like your sister has been around whatever cockroach-infested block you live on. I know shit, and I’m going to tell you things I’ve experienced firsthand as well as through friends and acquaintances who have been involved at various levels of this shit-sandwich business. As I go along with these posts, you may get rattled because I firmly believe in being brutally honest. But I’ll try not to hurt you too bad. No, fuck that: I’ll include very colorful language and comments that will thoroughly piss off most of you, a result that I couldn’t possibly be happier about. Through pain comes growth. Remember that, if you can, but I won’t hold my fucking breath on it.
The TRUTH, as with any antiseptic medicine applied to an open wound, hurts like a mutha. But once the area is thoroughly cleaned and sterilized, hopefully you will be the wiser for it. If you’re not, that’s your fucking problem, not mine. Still, my goal is to educate and even possibly rehabilitate as many of you developmentally disabled head trauma “Tards” as possible. Will it work? No, but I don’t really give a fuck. Your mother wanted a normal child – did it work? No, and I’m sure she didn’t give a fuck either. She’s probably sitting there right now in her shack saying, “I don’t give a fuck, I don’t give a fuck, I don’t give a fuck. Why did I have kids? Somebody please put an end to it all!” As long as I do my part to help you, that’s all that counts because, as you’ll soon discover, I AM ALL that COUNTS. I AM ALWAYS RIGHT, you are always wrong.
Practically all of you are brainless sheep that go along with whatever mongrel you’re told is good or great. And practically all of you lack any congnitive ability to recognize the difference between true quality talent versus the shit coming outta your ass. This is where I step in.
The bulk of my writings will be in the form of strong, venomous attacks. This is necessary since the amount of horribly putrid musical talent and gutless product I’ve been forced to stomach, has been staggering since the 1960’s but even more abominable since the unearthing of rap/hip-hop (thank you Aerosmith assholes you fuckin bastards! Read about it here-> The Aerosmith rap/hip hop Connection http://crappystruth.wordpress.com/2007/07/26/the-aerosmith-raphip-hop-connection/ ) and the band Nirvana, who put the final nail in the lid of the real rock/metal scene coffin in 1991. Their album title “Nevermind” should have been a clue, but most of you people didn’t fucking take it literally, and now we’re all paying for it. Here’s an old saying that many of you have probably heard: There’s only one thing better than Kurt Cobain killing himself at 27 years old – Kurt Cobain killing himself at 26 years old. Come to think if it, I guess I can think of 25 things that would have been even better.
There are very popular shitty guitarists out there, and some of these are ancient derelicts that have been lingering like polio since the 60’s. These are guys who are so fucked up, you could put them in an empty room with two ball bearings and in ten minutes they’d fuckin break one and lose the other. I have issues with all of them because they suck and I don’t, and I’m sure you’re going to want to know how I could EVER say such HORRIBLE things about these worthless, talentless, gutless losers.
Just to give ya a little taste as to who I’m talking about here are some initials of these pathetic “Tards”: E.C., C.S., Z.W., J.P., B.S. (B.S. also claims to sing too). I can say those things because I know what the fuck I’m talking about. I’ll go into detail about all of these shitheads, A.K.A. “legends,” when in reality they are true paper tigers, so get ready. On the other side of this rat sewage, there’s truly a lot of incredible talent here in the states as well as abroad that I can’t talk up enough – REAL TALENT, in other words, not some jack-off playing a left-handed piece of shit guitar like a Sears paint shaker while wearing his old man’s filthy beer and guacamole stained bowling shirt (read “Cobain, the heroin addict cocksucker”…coming soon!), and I’ll inform you of everything you need to know where all that’s concerned. Fortunately there’s a silver lining to all this. It’s called ME.
So you’ve got a LOT to look forward to in learning about the music business as well as what music to begin listening to and supporting. Plus you can look forward to being smarter, brighter and more appealing than you ever thought possible. Won’t that be a motherfucking change for the better!
Now, to quote a famous metal front-man……”Let the Madness Begin!!!!”
For a very spicy between-meal snack, (when you take a break from shoving fucking Big Macs down your gullet), you can check me out at www.youtube.com/crappystruth .
If you want me to get you a date with a chick you’d have a chance with, write me and tell me where your mother lives. No, I’m kidding. I’m fucking there right now and she’s outside dealing with the fucking cops.
Finally, if you’d like me to personally bust your fucking ass, you can write me at crappystruth@yahoo.com Maybe I’ll write ya back if I’m not too busy enjoying my life and if you can form sentences ya jackass!!
Your pal, Crappy
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To the person who created this website,
You are an overly analytical anal bead. Get over yourself.
Crappy here,
To the person who wrote this comment, put your dad’s anal beads back into your mouth and get back into your trunk.
Crappy
Hysterical shit….. I think I played with 2 of your faves: R.R and C.C.T
Mahalo
Drew
Crappy here,
Hey Drew. Yep! I know exactly who you are, and yes, you have played with them. I hope you’ve been doing well over these years. Thanks for coming by and come back and reply anytime!
Crappster….
I usually dont give a shit about others opinion, but i could not resist.
Reading the article about shredding.. you are 12 year old minded man, grow up and post some of youre playing, you also seem to have a lot of hate inside, get analyzed
cheers
Crappy here,
Another armchair psychotherapist from the peanut gallery. Sure, post my music for a bunch of half-wit, musical illiterates to comment on. Hey, while I’m at it, after I post my materiel, why don’t I go downtown and discuss Quantum Field Theory with a group of skid row bums, who’ve been off their medication for 10 years. Here’s an idea for ya, how about taking some inventory of your own lack of taste and do something about it. Every one of you fuckers are already cocked to go off no matter how high my quality is. Go listen to the people on my list from “Shredding What Is It??????!!!” By the way, try working on your sentence structure and punctuation before leaving comments.
“Cheers!!”
Ok lets face it, ur a person who lacks a spine, you poccess no talent at all, and so as a defense mechanism, you see to it that your life goal must be to tarnish the name of respectable and rich (in all senses of word) musicians and persons, who have neither insulted nor offended you other than inspiring millions of others. Get over yourself, or you will continue to lead your life as a real rolling stone (poor, unhappy, selfish little-minded excuse for a human being). PS – Eric ‘Guitargod’ Clapton is a real inspiration not only for his unmatched musical ability but also for the way he has came through tough events in his life. Get out of that one Crappy, you gimp!!!
Crappy here,
Well, well, …. well. Yet another armchair psychotherapist from the peanut gallery who’s feelings I hurt. “Ok lets face it.” Of course watching an occasional prime time drama makes you an authority at something. Me tarnish someones name you say! This next comment of mine in quotes will easily dismiss all you’ve said along with everyone who doesn’t agree with me, “I don’t make the news, I merely report it.” “Rich in every sense of the word,” since he is that to you, then you really are a terribly sad and pathetic individual. That you, along with millions of your brain-damaged brethren don’t know any better, than a toddler eating dirt. Maybe you’re right, maybe Arthritis Hands Clapton is an inspiration to people just like you. Clapton inspires awe in people just like fire did to cavemen.
Thank you for ALL of your mizspellleded words to say the least, ya dumb jack-off!!! NEXT!!!!
I don’t agree with you on all of the things you say. Guys like Clapton and Santana may not have the technique of a Steve Vai or Yngwie, but they speak to the soul with pure emotion, regardless of if they hit the proper pitch or not. Anyway, I’m a fan of all of the players I’ve mentioned; they all make some great music, just different flavors. By the way, what do you think of Jeff Beck? He’s one of my big inspirations.
Crappy here,
Pure emotion without the ability to articulate it and then convey it to others, becomes incoherent noise and is wasted. Having a 600 bhp engine on an engine stand and revving it is meaningless until it’s connected to a transmission and then put into a car. Encouraging people to play without putting in the correct practice time, encouraging half-ass, sloppy, half-hearted attempts without caring about the outcome is flat-out wrong. That’s why we as a country are slugs and we are the laughing stock of the world. There are 26 letters in our alphabet. Exclude 12 of the 26 and try to talk to people, try to communicate and see how well that works for ya. Bending to pitch, smooth even vibrato, smooth string crossing. These are a few of the simple, elementary ingredients to creating memorable phrases.
If you don’t care and don’t hold people and yourself accountable, why should anyone else? And, you being some form of educator should know this. Letting people get away with garbage is wrong. Yes, I do like Jeff Beck.
Thanks for your comment and check back…
Crappy
I understand what you mean, I just haven’t noticed it in Santana’s music (I think his early stuff is really original and enjoyable), though I know what you mean with Clapton. In any case, I’m sure you know a lot about the guitar and was wondering if you had any advice on developing a balanced and disciplined practiced routine. Any tips on how much time to spend learning theory, using a metronome, etc. each day?
Crappy here,
Hi Erik, and thanks for checking back. Yes, there is some structure I can suggest. Since developing ones musical abilities allows for a lot of flexibility, you can mix and match daily, the order in which you practice your materiel. Depending on the time you have available per day, and the fatigue your hands and body are in from the days events. Since most people practice when their workday is done. Much of the theory portion, since it’s done on paper can be done anytime without an instrument. Example, if learning to read standard notation in the beginning, you’re learning the notes, accents and meanings of these on the treble clef (a.k.a. G clef) first.
UNLESS you’re planing to do guitar session work, transcriptions and/or composing for more instruments other than the guitar, I’ve never seen a real need for having the ability to read standard notation and traditional chord charts in rock, as I know them to be. This is why guitar tablature has been so popular for the last few decades as an alternative. As with so many things about learning guitar, learning to read is NOT hard. And yes, I can read and I found not one time has it come into play in a rock context. People like to make most things mysterious or harder than they really are.
If you have 2 or more hours available to practice on the day you’re sitting down to do it, if possible divide the time into 3 sections.
1. Your technique exercises.
2. Your scales, arpeggios and some chord fingerings.
3. Your original material when you’ve got it.
If your time is less than 2 hours for that day, focus on just one of these three. It’s better to put quality time into developing one thing than half-assing three of them. Another way to put it is, it’s better to do one thing very well, than three things half-assed. If you’re a beginner to intermediate, I would say work on technique exercises. The reason for this is, you want to eventually have the physical ability to play what’s in your head the way you’ve envisioned it. The physical part will normally take longer and more work to get down then the mental part.
I suggest when you are comfortable with knowing where to put your fingers on the fretboard for a given scale shape, arpeggio shape or lead shape you’re learning, when you can do this relatively easily, then begin using your metronome to smooth out that item. There are other things to go over and incorporate also, but you’ve got to have some starting point, and I feel this is a good place to start.
Some people believe in using the metronome at the same time they’re learning a new item. I don’t believe in this. I feel the smaller the bite-size that something is, the easier and quicker you can master it. Small things done correctly and proficiently, and then linked together, become big things done correctly and proficiently.
I’ve begun a section entitled “Crappy’s Guitar 101″ where I’ll be covering playing Do’s and Don’t’s. Some variations of what I’ve written here for you may turn up in future posts. So, check back for those. Feel free to also e-mail me on any specific questions you may have and I’ll get back to you when time allows. This should be a good starting point for ya. Let me know how it works out and have fun.
I AM The Truth In Shredding,
Crappy.
Thanks a lot for the advice, it all seems easier than I thought it would be. I play a lot, was just curious how to organize it. I have no intention of being another Malmsteen, but like you said my main goal has always been to be able to play/express whatever I heard in my head and that means being able to do anything. Thanks again.
Crappy here,
Hey, you’re welcome, Erik.
Love your take on the radius of fretboards and the 24 fret issue. I bought 3 KILLER boutique brand neck throughs for around 600 dollars shipped to my door. ZERO neck heel under the last 4-6 frets but god DAMN it the fucking radius frets out bends.
Another HUGE issue that every manufacturer seems to overlook, since they’re all so very clearly mediocre and simple minded blues guitarists, is the cut away is never deep enough to allow nimble access to the upper frets!
Kramer made a few models with the extended cut and zero radius boards, why the fuck are we still dealing with the garbage designs from 80 years ago when 30 years ago, Kramer and boutique builders introduced the solution!?
Rusty Cooley’s signature model has the deeper cut, as do several of my guitars thanks to a router.
And don’t get me started on the bolt on vs Neck through issue. For one neck through is actually easier and quicker to build, only down side is higher maintenance and more challenging to repair. Most companies however will still sell you a neck through with a heel that’s as big, if not bigger than a bolt on OR, they sell you a set neck with a MASSIVE heel that’s been heavily painted so they can claim neck through. Meanwhile my boutique brands have ZERO neck heel behind the fingerboard. I have a Fender Supercaster neck through I stripped to the wood and routered away the heel along with digging the scoop deeper since those lazy fucks at Fender couldn’t be bothered to press a few buttons and slightly modify the CNC machines blueprint they use to build their guitars while they sit on their asses telling the world their guitars are all “hand crafted”-Gibson sells the exact same lie. Only thing their hands do to their guitars is attach the necks, even the painting is down by CNC be it fancy custom artwork, sunbursts or your basic solid color finish.
You should also cover twisted necks, my god these fucking morons that use these brainless, off the shelf repairs because they have no….brains! They say pull the fret wire, get the fingerboard milled to an angle to compensate, refret it then grind your frets to compensate it more fully.
WTF?
What happened to simply steaming the wood, locking it in a jig and positioning it so the neck is perfectly flat so when it dries, it will stay perfectly level for at least a few more years until you twist it again. Low and behold when you play as much as I do, your hand curling around from underneath tends to eventually put a twist in the neck! Who would have ever though!..and who would have ever thought to use the most common wood shaping technique ever devised! I’ve seen steamed wood bend into fucking circles for Amish buggies. Now if you play maybe a couple hours at a time a few times a week, you may never twist your neck but if you’re like me where you play countless hours a day just about everyday of the year, you can get a neck to twist in just a year or two’s time.
-Some repair shops, but not many, actually repair twisted necks the right way but, most are run by jackasses that think the answer is sandpaper and refretting.
Anyway, gotta go do some more sanding to even out the radius on my favorite guitar since it doesn’t allow me to bend notes beyond the 14th fret. David Gilmore would be disgusted to touch such an instrument that tells him “NO BENDS” at the 15th fret and he’s totally old school in terms of the designs he started out on! I mean who the fuck bends like David….
Maybe we should start a trash group that trashes the reputation of these builders so they understand that they need to wake up and join the new millennium!
Crappy here,
Hey Jon, thanks for stopping by. You’ve covered some very interesting subjects in YOUR new column!! And, I’m happy to have your thoughts up on my site. I’m also glad you enjoyed my views on ZERO Radius (a.k.a. completely flat) and 24 fret necks. I’ve been giving some thought to my part 3. In it I’ll be covering cutaways, horns, that big square, sharp cornered, fuckin’ block heal my hand has lost so many fights with far too many times. And scalloped fret-boards, to name a few goodies.
I’ll also tell you why I feel the major companies with the exception of a few of Ibanez’s high end stuff (and those are just scrap crumbs they’re throwing to the customers anyway) why they will likely never make some or any of the corrections they should. It’s very cool you’re doing some advanced woodworking on your own. I’ve gotta say, I’ve never had a problem nor come across a twisted neck. You’re idea to steam it and then jig it, as the Amish do when creating their carriage wheels seems like a very viable alternative to sanding the shit out of it and removing mass.
If you’re having a twisting issue with your guitars, it sounds like you must have a vice-grip handshake! Or, if your part of the country has a heavy humidity and heat level as in Florida. One great way to fix this (or more of a preventative after you’ve steamed and jigged it) is, you can route out two channels the approximate length of the neck, one on each side of your current truss rod, and install a Carbon Fiber neck rod into each channel and that should fix your twisting, Permanently. For gluing in the rods, you can use superglue, epoxies, or wood glues. There are special precautions you MUST take when working with Carbon Fiber. So, read the instructions very carefully and heed ALL warnings. The Ibanez RG 550 Reissues have an upgrade in that, in order to prevent neck warpage problems that the original RG 550 customs had (the customs came with a Wizard neck), the new necks are 5 piece maple/walnut with dual titanium strengthening rods on either side of the truss rod for structural stability, much needed on the 17mm – 19mm original Wizard profile.
I do want to say Jon, unless you’re somehow sentimental about a neck, you’re much better off throwing away that neck and just start fresh with a new neck using my preventative remedy. Then you’ll never have another probem with a warping/twisting neck of any kind under normal conditions. Maybe even abnormal, Haa haaa!!
Kramer guitars have always been a puzzle to me. Their guitars were assembled with very good parts and still consistently played as shitty as a Hondo, at 3+ times the price of a Hondo. Thanks again Jon and check back!
Crappy!
p.s. For those of you wondering what the hell we’re talking about, here is my original part 2 post:
http://crappystruth.wordpress.com/2008/01/11/part-two-why-you-over-paid-by-hundreds-to-tens-of-thousands-of-dollars-for-your-electric-guitar-and-should-have-your-fuckin%e2%80%99-head-bashed-in-for-doing-it-part-two/
Hey your methods have really helped me out. Lately have been learning the melodic minor and it’s modes and exploring arpeggios and how to mix them into scales. Thanks again. By the way, how amazing is Eric Johnson?! That guy is so unique and inspiring.
Sorry… also wanted to comment on how amazing Coltrane is. First time I heard him was “Giant Steps” and instantly recognized him as genius. Anyway, I’ve seen your mention of him and here’s a live performance of the beautiful “Naima”… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_ywkpVJ624&feature=related
The point is you talk about sloppy guitar players, but here is a musician you admit admiring and yes, there are some sloppy phrases. The only point I’m trying to get across is that there are many musicians who can get a point across with less than perfect technique. I definitely think it helps to have proper technique down to get your point across, but I don’t think it is fair to put down some important artists like Clapton and Santana, guitarists who Van Halen and Vai have most definitely been influenced by respectively, for better or worse. Anyway,thanks for the help and the good musical conversation.
P.S. Recently checked out Greg Howe’s “Jammin’ on Sunny” video on YouTube. For someone not very familiar with his work, Wow!. What an amazingly melodic and textured piece of incredible improv. Thanks for the nod towards Mr. Howes’s work.
Erik Heymann
Hello everyone,
Wanted to leave you all word that the brilliant Craig Collins Turner (who SHOULD have been Ozzy’s guitarist) now has an official website with photos, downloadable mp3’s and more! Go check it out at:
craigcollinsturner.com
Sorry dude, it’s me again. Forget about that rant up above, I had a few too many beers. But I do have another question that you might be able to help me with. Do you have any ideas on how to attack learning all the nuances of the melodic minor scale? The internet’s been a great resource for helping learn the instrument in the past year (I’ve been playing since 2000, but burned out a couple years ago ’cause I was too lazy to try and learn by myself even though I have a good ear). However, I just haven’t been able to find much info on this scale and the application of it’s modes. So if you have at least one thing new for me to learn, I would be grateful.