Jimmy “The Slop Bucket” Page Holy Shit Fuckin’ SUCKS!!

Here we are a again for another illustrious episode of SUCKS. And, well,……..this guy, aww shit. Of all the hack players in this continuing series, I have to say this one I mind the least. As bad, horrible of a player as this dork is, he just doesn’t make me as ill or irritates me anywhere near as much as the other pukes. Which doesn’t mean his playing is any better. On the contrary, this clowns playing is the sloppiest of them all. But he reminds me of that dopy, slow kid that ya just feel sorry for. Not developmentally disabled but the kid that just never got picked for Greek dodge, baseball, football, hockey…. you see where I’m going with this. Paper Tiger #3 Jimmy Page.

Led Zeppelin, a more deserving name I just can’t think of. Rhythm’s that remind me of how my stomach feels when I eat too much pizza and soda. Like a 20lb. bowling ball in my gut. Lethargic, tired, ready to sleep. This is the music of Led Zep and ole “Slop Bucket” Page. The nicest thing I can say about Zeppelin is to occasionally listen to them is like going to the bad area of town to go slumming. Hell, I’d bang some skank you could treat like the garbage she is once in a while for a change of pace from the good stuff, but I sure as fuckin’ shit wouldn’t cop to it.

Led Zeppelin is another one of these bands that is from the 60’s and still seems to linger around like cigarette smoke lingers in a club and in your clothes long after the smoker is done and gone. I have a friend who likes Zeppelin and once said to me that Zeppelin is a deep band with a lot of complexity and I would really need to know about them and then I would agree with him. You just don’t understand Zeppelin, he said.

And I also had someone tell me that since I wasn’t around during the 60’s I just don’t understand music from that time along with some other bullshit having to do with the worst band in history, U2 (I’ll get to those fucks soon enough).

Well, let me tell ya both something, I don’t need to put my hand into an open flame to know it will cause pain. I don’t need to put my hand into a beehive to know it’s gonna hurt. I don’t need to fuck with a cobra to know it can kill. Do you see? Just because I didn’t suffer with this stuff, doesn’t mean I can’t understand it. I’ll let you dumb fuckers suffer first, since so many of you will willingly fuck with a cobra to prove it “may not” be dangerous, but you’re not sure. Good!! Go on!! Play with that fuckin’ King Cobra, smack it around a little and let’s see what happens!!

Alright, let’s get to Page’s playing. When I first began playing guitar, Page was among the players I was told to listen to because he was some great untouchable player. But I soon realized this was not the case. When Page bends notes, he never completes the act of bending it. It’s as though, as he approaches the correct pitch (a pitch he doesn’t even know exists) he mysteriously backs off like he suddenly just forgot what the hell he was doing or got too tired to finish and needs a bit more heroin to complete the attempt. But can’t remember where he left off once he’s back from shooting.

Vibrato??  What the hell is….”Vibrato???”  Oooh shit.

When Page try’s to play fast, he sounds similar to when you try to run through quicksand. A lot of effort but no results. Just sooo fuckin’ sloppy. And combining booze and heroin isn’t quite the “breakfast of champions” as I recall. Not to mention his guitars are junk.

Every time I see a video clip or photo of Page after he plays a lead, he looks like an old black and white movie version of Dr. Frankenstein’s assistant Igor with those huge bug eyes, doing a wheezing laugh and drool streaming down the center of his bottom lip. The fact that Page is still alive shows he’s a freak of nature. And with this impending reunion “joke” of a tour  that may happen, you just know one or all of these feeble and decrepit hacks are gonna drop dead before it’s all over. This is another example of millions of ex-hippies having another opportunity to get fucked up and go see one of their favorite drug addict, alcoholic shit bands one more time.

Crappy….

Do you want to know who I am? Who the hell is Crappystruth?? Click this link below to learn more about me.

 https://crappystruth.wordpress.com/2007/07/03/hello-world/

Advertisements

The URI to TrackBack this entry is: https://crappystruth.wordpress.com/2007/09/11/jimmy-the-slop-bucket-page-holy-shit-fuckin-sucks/trackback/

RSS feed for comments on this post.

71 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Hey crappy, you are well named. Page’s playing can be a bit of a blur, so I can understand how someone with your tortoise-like sensibilities would not be able to hear what is being articulated. His guitar work has a life of its own, it breathes, stutters, stumbles sometimes while it recoils for the next spring into flight, soars, sublimely portrays the gammut of emotions, is full of energy, verve, flair, imagination, but -above all- expression. He is a very human musician, not a technician. The bending notes are caused by a thing known as the doppleganger effect, and is what happens when a moving object travels past you; you were obviously being lapped when it happened and Page has already crossed the finish line; what’s the view from the starting blocks like?

  2. your a fukwit jimmy page’s a freak your just a complete fuckwit go fall off a balcony u fukn morone. he is a little bit sloppy but the emotion in his guitar truely makes a song communicate with the listener, so get fukd

  3. hey leave the poor guy alone, its not his fault he like to “ride the horsey” and hit the bottle. it’s just how jimmy rolls. i would be surprised if Jimena caught him snortin it up in the bathroom

  4. Jimmy Page is not the greatest guitar player on earth, but he is one of the most innovative and influential. And like said before his speed was about emotion, not technicality. It is so much harder to make a solo that fits with the song on the spot than it is to make a bunch of random notes with no emotion whatsoever. No matter how accurate you are. Achilles Last Stand is the most epic song of all time with the most epic solo. Instead of the meaningless Dragonforce dribble it sounds like the soundtrack of a lone knight going into battle. And the orchestration and variety of Zepp all-around Beats any band before it.

    Crappy here,
    Now, Pat,….it’s been proven for decades that when a person is drunk or stoned things appear to be far more “whatever” than what they are when you’re in sober reality. You clearly are a stoner, a drunk or a child of one. Inebriation is a way of life for you. What makes you think that Page is playing anything on the spot or “improv” on ANYTHING? Dragonforce is a joke and an enjoyable one at that. If you hear a player like Yngwie, Greg Howe, or Alan Holdsworth for examples, and all you hear are “meaningless notes”, that statment tells me you have no musical vocabulary or musical comprehension at all and you deserve to continue eating paint chips. Read my “Arthritis Hands” Clapton post to get an understanding. Led Zep is as worn out as a 65 year old whore.

    • you don’t even deserve an insult. FYI: I’m never reading ur response and the email the fucking fake!!!!

  5. wat the hell are you trying to say there pat? i dont get your stand

  6. great review…loved it!!!
    5*s

    • THE GUY WHO WROTE THIS IS A FUCKING NIGGER!!
      GO FUCK YOUR STEP MOM, BITCH! (AND THEN YOUR ADOPTED DAD.) THEN YOUR STEP SIS..YOUR GRANDMA…GRANDPA…ETC ETC
      fuck you, nigger

    • FUCK OFF BITCH ASSHOLE

  7. I’ll be looking for you in the Rock and fucking Roll hall of fame Malmsteen.

  8. Wow, time out. Your arrogance is forcing me to request some of your music…Oh yeah, you already declined posting anything because it’s to good for us and better than anything ever produced by Jimmy Page, Eric Clapton, Slash and so on.

    If all you care about is Technical perfection, I hear that the Honda Robot plays the violin.

    Come to think about it, your quick insults suggest your one of the 12 year old wannabe greatest guitarist on youtube. Your all talk Crappy.

  9. wow, you’re dumb, you obviously don’t like good music, who cares if they did drugs, they were amazing, you obviously havent seen them live either.

    Crappy here,

    Blaaaaaah……..blaaaaah…………….blaaaaaaaahh…….(burp!)

    • craappy can u stop already u motherfucker.

  10. All the players you admire though would probably not have a career if it wasn’t for people like Jimmy page or Eric Clapton or any of the others you name..
    So your arguments are rather redundant..
    Music comes first really, the only people who seem to listen to shred are other guitar players & usually it’s only because they admire the technical ability & speed not the actual “songs” if you could call them that..
    Don’t get me wrong like a bit of shred every now & then, but it’s never gonna move people like Beatles or the Stones manage with only 3-4 chords..
    Go to any show by a Guitar shredder & you can guarantee 99% of the audience will also be budding tuneless noodlers themselves..
    There wouldn’t really be a audience for them if it wasn’t for people like Hendrix, Clapton or Page & all the other people post Hendrix who were all in competition to see who could solo the fastest or the longest..
    Shred is basically the evolution of this “who’s the next Hendrix” competition really..
    Thats not to say shred is bad, it has it’s place but then so does everything else..

    Crappy here,

    You’ve made some relatively fair comments. So, I’ll try to address some. There may very well be players I respect, that may have been influenced by these hack players I’ve written about. In fact, I’ve been influenced by all of them, BUT, they have influenced me by showing me WHAT NOT TO DO. And I strongly believe that’s how they’ve influenced the people I respect too. So, you saying something about redundancy makes no sense in your sentence structure that I can see

    Not every shred player is good, in fact, relatively few are. Read my post entitled, “Shredding What Is It????!??” This will explain and perhaps educate you some. Having a very, very good technical command of ones instrument, is crucial in being a WELL ROUNDED and competent musician. In addition to some other ingredients. Rehashing, also called being “redundant” is EXACTLY what we have today. Rehashing the same bullshit done almost 50 years ago and done poorly at that, and ignoring the wonderful advancement the players I respect have contributed to music history, is a horrible crime. Shred players I respect only, are showing those fledgling, young kids, the future players of the world, the wonderful music that is possible with the instrument in a song context.

    Love, Crappy xxoo

  11. u have no understanding of what music means man, its about the feel man, the vibes it gives off man, the emotions. just because someone like yngwie can play fast doesn’t mean he’s amazing “look at me i’m an arrogant asshole, watch me play the harmonic minor scale all the way up the neck” u can only do that so many times before it gets redundant. jimmy page is a god and is untouchable, just because u can’t play worth a shit and have no taste in music at all doesn’t give u the right to dis one of the greatest guitar players in the world. and as for what you say about clapton, he’s up there with page in the guitar god status.

    Crappy here,

    I have EVERY RIGHT to say the truth about ANYONE. You have limited musical understanding that is reflected by the popular puke from the 60’s to today. Which explains your defensiveness here. And, you are typical. ANYONE who knocks Yngwie, clearly has only heard a few of his songs where he goes off. Yngwie still is one of the few that has the best vibrato, phrasing and bends of any player that’s used an electric guitar. I give credit where it is due. None is due here.

    Playing using 2 pentatonic boxes over and over as this hack does, along with most of them from the 60’s is much more “redundant” than harmonic minor played by a true artist that Yngwie is.

    Later babe…..

    Crappy

    • you forget that jimmy page didnt have youtube to look up scales and lessons. fuck head

      • nice one. BTW: you suck crappy

  12. Finally, someone tells the truth, or in any case has a developed enough ear to realize that page is an average player at best. When I first started playing everyone told me to listen to page. I listened to a bunch of zep records but didn’t hear much of anything to get excited about. Then I listened to his live stuff and was amazed at how sloppy and unorganized his playing is. I guess people have forgoten that music, or any art, is a fine mixture of aesthetic qualiaty (skill required) and meaning. But people today don’t give a flying fuck how bad something sounds as long as it “means” something. What a shame.

  13. Alright, I’m going to start by asking, why have you spent so much time on a blog writing about players who, no matter how strong your opinion is, has absolutely no effect on anyone? Although you claim your opinion is the only one that matters, it seems that it is the only one that matters to you, which makes me ask myself why I’m even wasting the 60 seconds here to type this. Your claim also leads me to assume that you’re not really accepted by people out there in the world. All I’m saying that maybe if you lightened up, and opened your ears and just accepted things for the way they were maybe you’d be a little happier.

    From what it looks like is that you are that nut case Scott Lifeshine who also claims his opinion is the only one that matters. Anyways while the world moves on, go ahead and sit in your room and play pretend “god” for the rest of your life.

    By the way, no matter how sloppy Jimmy Page is, you have nothing on him, because you only say you play guitar, and you say a lot of stupid shit…

    Crappy here,

    You’ve asked a few questions, so, I’ll attempt to go in chronology. Why have I spent so much time blah blah blah. I’ve got some answers for that one. One reason is, it puts a twinkle in my eye and a spring in my step. Another reason is, when the streets are overrun with crime, corruption and injustice, out of the horror will rise a light, a vigilante, a champion. A champion to fight for good. That is what I am in this corner of the music world. People write positive replies to me at the bottom of my columns and in the form of e-mails, which is nice. If that didn’t happen, I would still do what I’m doing, because what I do is right and good and there is a need for it. I am obligated in what ever way I choose to make this world better. To raise the veil of musical deception and point out the real, true beauty fighting to break on through.

    Yes, my opinion only matters to me. Just as your opinion only matters to you. You ask yourself why you would waste 60 seconds to write a comment to me. Come, come now Zach. You and I BOTH know it took you far, far longer than 60 seconds to achieve your end result. Creating a one-time-only e-mail account that you did for the sole purpose to post your comment to me on my site. AND then the time to mentally articulate, then write, proof, then click “submit,” in addition to a few other things you may have done, took far longer than 60 seconds, sweetheart. The reason you went through the trouble and work you did, was because I got under your skin. And, I did it with the truth.

    You say I’m not accepted by people out in the world. On the contrary, I am. The mediocre man accepts things for how they are and suffers for it wondering why life washes over him. Just as you do Zach. The visionary man takes control and attempts to bend the world to his will. As I do. ALL progress is accomplished by people like me. My writings help people both directly and indirectly. Everyone who tried to prove the world was round, that man could fly, the telephone, computer, was called a “nutcase,” and later, eventually that nutcase became recognized as the true visionary genius that they were all along. I am and will be too.

    The ONLY beings who are happy by accepting things how they are, are sheep and cattle. So, now I know what YOU are Zach.

    Scott Lifeshine. I’ve never heard of him but thanks for the tip.

    Yes Zach, the world does move on. It moves on because of visionary, brave people just like me. Me, willing to tell the truth and do it right the first time. So the rest of you can ride on my coattails.

    • Well thanks for a reply, I asked, you answered. Yes you did get under my skin, not for what you write but because of your personality.

      The paragraph before where I said 60 seconds did take me 60 seconds to write and of course the rest took more. By the way check the e-mail it isn’t even real, I just typed in it and went away at it.

      I can assure you am I’m far from a conformist or “sheep”. But you do understand what happens when all of the sheep step out of line don’t you? Order is what creates balance, and of course there has to be the leaders and the innovators, but I don’t see anything worth while here because there is already enough criticism, negativity and shit flying around for people to get hit by, and a blog devoted to it doesn’t help… Now that you’ve done and got this attention why not share more of what you LIKE and what drives you as a musician, and not raising a shit storm with the fanboys. And yeah I spend a lot of time on the computer when it’s raining up here in Canadia so I can do whatever the hell I want XD.

      • crappy, for ur information, the emails can be non-exsisting emails… are u daft?

    • Lol, what the fuck, this just makes me want to listen to more led zep. Just curious, what music do u like. 47 seconds by the way

    • Let crappy talk, If his opinion wa the only opinion that mattered to him then he would have had absolutely no need to post any of this, but he did so that means he’s angry that led Zeppelin his more popular than any music he listens to

  14. And if you want to reply that please leave out the shit about how great you are if you want to get a point across to me. I thought people stopped bragging about them selfs before elementary school, hell I’m 15 and I know girls my age who talk less about themselves believe it or not.

  15. One more thing, if you don’t mind, I’d like to hear an honest opinion on Page’s studio work, instead all of his chasing the dragon shit on stage, even though 1968-1973 I rather like Page’s playing live. Please don’t try and be funny about it either, I myself think that he has done some really good stuff with Zeppelin, as someone else suggested try listening to Achilles Last Stand off their album Presence, or maybe The Rover from Physical Graffiti, when I was using the find on page tool to search for bands I like I noticed you mentioned that you like Van Halen, I do as well and I know that they covered The Rover plenty of times live, check it out on YouTube if you want.

    Crappy here,

    The Following is Addressed to Any and All of You Dense Fucks:

    Zach, you and everyone will learn, you will understand, I write the words I feel and the words I feel that are appropriate. I will NOT have ANYONE prod me into doing otherwise. If you “request” something more specific in the form of a review or anything else, YOU WILL take it how it give it, period. And, I will not allow an alleged 15 year old’s pseudo-maturity bullshit to dictate my actions. THIS IS MY SHOW. I know you are all now clear on this. I don’t put up with it from confirmed adults to my face, in writing and I sure-as-shit won’t have it from you. And, for anyone else who’s not clear, this above statement is an open invitation to any and all of you mutherfuckers. If you think you can really get me on something legitimate, then I continue to welcome your challenge. Good luck.

    Zach said, “And if you want to reply that please leave out the shit about how great you are if you want to get a point across to me.”

    I have no need to “try” to get my point across to you or anyone. If you can’t get it on your own like the rest of the big kids, and your ears are too sensitive for my language, that is YOUR FUCKIN’ PROBLEM! Go play with the pussy Jonas Brothers. If you find something funny or not funny in what I write, that is solely your interpretation.

    I’m in a nice mood today Zach, so you’re getting a relatively nice response. I like hearing myself talk. If that reminds you of a chick, that’s a problem you have. I AM an equal opportunity fucking asshole, bastard, egotistical, self-absorbed and self-centered son-of-a-bitch, and proud of it. So, no one is telling me what I don’t already know. You were all warned of this on my front page, throughout all of my columns on here, and again now. Don’t expect anything different. I don’t write to cater to any one person or persons. I write for my sole purpose only and to my end exclusively. I’m not going to open up the phone book white pages, starting with the “A’s” and start calling everyone to get their input or hold their hand. If YOU are fucked up, go take it up with your parents. I’ve covered some of what I like already, and as I continue my columns, there will be more of what I like. But, more importantly, I must clean up the streets. I’m going to continue to take out the garbage. And, there is a lot of garbage to be taken out.

    My writing style, and views are completely unique, vibrant and alive. I do this with a power, force, articulation and titanium backbone that exists nowhere else in this genre. There is NO ONE I’ve seen, nor heard of who does in anyway, shape, or form, what I do and the way I do it. This is why I get the thousands of visitors here that I get.

    Now to your question(s)

    You want my honest opinion on Page and Zep? What the fuck do you think the above column was?! I’ve heard Roth and the boys do The Rover. And, as good of a try as they do with it, it’s still a bad song. Achilles Last Stand, ya know Zach, what exactly is it you don’t understand about sloppy, dog-shit guitar abuse??!! Plant’s vocals go nowhere, Page’s playing is telling the listener he’s got no idea where he’s at, where he’s going, what the progression is and who his own band members are. Give this train-wreck song to some real musicians and there might be something salvageable, but I wouldn’t hold my breath on it. Yea, I love Roth Van Halen only. Has that answered your queries? Go to my column entitled, “SHREDDING” What is it???!! you’ll find the true artists there.

    Good luck to ya, “kid”

    Crappy xo

    • i watched the shredding videos, they are shit, can’t even stand it. i really think crappy is ur real name and FYI: i’m not gonna read ur response so suck bitch. btw the email FUCKING FAKE

    • Sell 200 million records and you can talk shit

  16. The internet’s an even playing ground ass hole, no one runs the show, anyone can say what they want on your wall and it doesn’t matter what age they are. I honestly thought you were being humorous but your just looking for attention and the only way you would have got any as writer is by exaggerating every single fucking detail. And it’s up to no one to decide what music is good and bad, there is nothing relative to measure a song by, other than speed and loudness which is all you seem to give a fuck about. GOODBYE .

  17. Or if you like I can drop my so called “pseudo-maturity” and leave a shit load of average 15 year old comments, YO FAUCK FACE U DONT EVEN KNO PAGE MAN. GO DIE INA HOLE LAWAL !@@!@!@!@!@

  18. hahaha this is gold pure gold my friend, now hes not the worst player around but he is the most overrated and placed on a pedestal guitarist around im glad you shared your opinion

  19. Nice blog. I really like people who just say whats on their mind without regard to correctness or social acceptance. You are correct to go off on folks that try to get you to moderate your comments about Pagey mostly because they think its just wrong to criticize “heroes”.

    But really its just when one criticizes THEIR heroes that they take offense. Calling Malmsteen a boring technoid would be AOK of course.

    But enough sucking up, I happen to be a fan of Jimmy and can play most of his stuff on guitar so I can appreciate his prowness or lack thereof from the perspective of his neat, albeit non-complex composistions (that did become standard learning fare for leigons of guitarists) and the bad stuff as well.

    For gods sake yes his live performances often featured really sloppy performances of the zep catalog combined with atrocious leads that went nowhere…..and nowhere……..and still waiting………..Jesus H Christ STOP IT!!!!….

    This was the era of routine 20 min. solos mind you, but DAMN!!!!!

    His lack of professionalism would have ticked off many old school musiscians who have little use for guitarists who cant find the groove. Many of the old school greats prided themselves on always being able to give a great performance in spite of any personal issues.

    But Jimmy Pages studio work and classic riffs have stood the test of time,in spite of even Jimmy himself butchering them onstage for fans that paid good money to see their hero. He even admitted to speeding up the tempo just to get the show done and get to the drug/groupiefest to follow!!
    Cmon admit it, crank up “whole lotta love” from LZ2 and bask in that magnificent riff. Give the 60s guitarists a break, they were mostly always fucked up from copious amounts of booze,heroin,cocaine and pills. Now the poor old geezers are only firing on 3 cylinders (the lucky survivors!) and they do tend to suck.
    Clapton lost his fire in the 70s but Page with the Black Crows was inspired 60s rock at its finest with Page being a lot less sloppy, or really, he was so friggin sloppy in his dragon suited days that it seems like a quantum improvement when he really concentrates and plays better.

    Hendrix himself really sucked ten kinds of monkey ass when he played sloppy and did you ever hear the musical abortion that was a live collaboration with Jim Morrison and Jimi? Please dont look it up and listen, its that bad.

    But to be fair to these artists and their fans, what made them great wasnt really the quality of their live performances ,but the fact that they came up with the great tunes that will live forever (sorry) because they touch a nerve in the human spirit with their simple beauty.

    Page came up with “stairway to heaven” What would 60s rock be without the “are you experienced”, and Claptons work with the bluesbreakers wasnt sloppy at all, but could go toe to toe with Steve Vai and Malmsteen in terms of execution. (and not be boring after 3 minutes!)

    Us mere mortals only come up with lackluster licks for the most part but Ive heard some modern players who have what it takes but modern times have spawned even worse things than fucked up Page solos that wont die. Rap, Modern lame-ass country and those really wimpy guys who sing like fags but I cant remember who they are.

    Just my two cents.

  20. Hey whats up, you so-called page hater? Your just gonna force me to be an asshole and bitch and moan about not even responding to my brilliant post.

    In it I both skew Page and idolize him at the same time. Counterpoint. Much like the melodic theme to “Stairway” the most beloved and top rated song in all of rockdom.

    Just as you have an obvious and factual critisism of Jimmys really sloppy live performances, The anti-Yngewie-ites have a salient point as well.

    That is the Scandinavians complete lack of not only a minor hit, but a lack of a memorable number or signature riff whatsoever.

    Now that was a cheap shot,yes, but me and my brother went to see the much balleyhooed Malmsteen himself in Pomona CA at a very small venue in his formative and thus supposedly vital period. This was like before 1990 for sure but we did burn a few brain cells!

    Anyway you cant blame us, we were actually looking for someone to replace the active duty roster in our guitar hero trifecta, one can only listen to “Freebird” and “Stairway to heaven” and (sorry to have to dis another great musician)” DAA..DAAA..DADA.DA DAAA..” so many times before puking!

    The aforementioned drivel was a phonetic representation of that tom shultz or whoever guys riff where the les paul kicks in. On more than a feeling. Hey he was great but so was last weeks leftovers, you can kill any tune.

    Anyway my main critisism of Yngwie was he was boring. Boring,unlike just butchering your own great stuff is unforgivable in rock and roll,buckwheat.

    True his speed is indeed legendary. His technique is executed with amazing aplomb. He is Indeed a guitar hero to the young dickwads who dont know better.

    But Goddamn….20minutes of basically the same high speed well done scale based riffs more than satisfied my entire need to see what he was all about. As it turns out, exotic sounding scales kinda suck when actually pulled from the pages of musical theory! Great idea that dorian mode, but theres a reason its an obscure and best left to the textbooks. BoooooooooooooooooRRRRRRRRRRRRRinNNNNNNNggggggggg>.

    The worst part of the tone? (this is me throwing myself softball questions)

    Well the Grand fucking canyon echo on steroids delay for one thing and the complete lack of any below an 8th notes tempo for another. Great musical Ideas could be expressed in 64th or even 128th notes,granted but the lowly quarter note is quite shorted in the Malmsteen world. And no,his annoying long drawn out syrupy solos dont count either, hes just trying to pay homage to crap he dosent like and it shows.

    How can you justifiably dog out the edges complete circus act of buying more expensive delay effects than the competition, and yet ignore the typical 100-500ms delay and special”I cant fret a note” scalloped fingerboard that is the hallmark of a good ol pretentious fake-ass Panganni-ish riff of Yengevie?

    Its not enough to be good jackass!!! You have to be interesting!! They dont pay the big bucks for crap.

    (modern country,and rap excluded)

    Once you have elevated yourself to something besides an unpublished guitar hero, and can actually cause traffic jams in major cities, and a million folks can remember your stuff, you can then proceed to perform the aforementioned tunes and butcher them. Its a right they have but I would be pissed if I had payed good money to see a fucked jimmy Page botch my cherished riffs. You do have a valid point with the sloppiness.

  21. WTF?? You dead dude?(or dudette)? Dont just spiel anti-page drivel and then get fucked up on alcohol and play really atrocious speed metal badly while forgetting to check back.

    I bet you have an english accent and can actally play some guitar, but much like some of your heroes you have failed to become much due to folks being bored to tears.

    Were you perhaps the infamous english roadie for “Faster Pussycat” who got caught pinching the smack bag? Miss the days of listening to the sweet refrain of “in my house of pain”? Are they long gone since being fired and your acid tabs confiscated??

    This is all conjecture but my instincts scream out failure for some reason.

    Well since you are a punk who is passed out I will now administer the equivalent of your buddies spraying shaving cream on you while passed out!!

    You two-bit non playing sack of dog shit, how dare you even comment on music with your decrepit taste. You your entire non-entourage and a dozen malmsteens to boot would never even dream of a remotely interesting lick on the level of Clapton or Page.

    You wouldnt even make a small blackhead on the top of a pimple on Pages scrawny ass!!

    I mean really, who has ever heard of you or any of your buddies. Could it be you are a homo who hangs out with like minded spandex clad freaks whose dick snorkling activities are only occasionally interrupted by flipping over the live yngevie album?

    Crappy here,

    I’ve been out drinkin with the boys again, sorry I’m writin’ after 2 a.m. There’s something that I need to say to you, I know it’s late, but this can’t wait, I just got a new tattoo.

  22. Sorry about the cheap personal attack, I meant it in good fun, and was stinking drunk at the time!

  23. Damn me Im stinking drunk again. Just let me get this initial cheap shot dispensed with. I will apologize later maybe.

    You run this blog but stay too messed up to tend to it much. Its a great blog and it comes up first on google should the supposed enlightened few ever type such nonsense.

    You sir are neglecting your artistic craft, which I would bet a weeks pay isnt session musician.

    Thats all good but you really go after Pagey for the sloppy playing and boring pentatonic based riffery like every one else yet he somehow gets a popular mythic perception of being soo original. Yet Pages solos are 99% IN the box. The minor Pentatonic box.

    OK the overated Guitar God status critisism was fair enough. Jimmy himself went after many modern guitarists as the fame slipped away so cant feel sorry for him.

    But every human being cant always be a straight arrow all the time. Hey he got fucked up and did too much H and played horrific renditions of his own riffs! The awful proof is only a you tube video away.

    We all screw up, Pages studio work was great and the riffs were basically very good classic rock guitar heavy riffs. They were NEVER meant to be speed metal or thrash metal or death metal! Youre basically pointing the finger at a drugged out apple and comparing it to a nice straight on top of his game orange and thus your conclusions are invalid,IMO.

    And it awful hypocritical of you to be so unprofessional with this blog yet chastising your betters for their lack of this same virtue.

    Just turn up a big PA system with some huge speakers and play “whole lotta love” full blast for any drunken crowd. They go nuts because its such a great riff when played right. His live work sucked a lot and went undetected due to his being overrated, but did you realize he was underrated at first?

    The truth probably lies somewhere in between.

  24. And futhermore, you suck.

  25. Cant show your face? Cmon its all in good fun. Dont let anyone make you feel inferior. Page did in fact play his great studio riffs sloppy on stage. He did deserve this blog!

  26. Dont make me taunt you a third time!!

  27. Your silence (assuming you are alive and currently neither incapacitated or incarcerated) speaks volumes.

    You have realized the flaws in your critical thinking, you did indeed listen to the whole lotta love intro and have rethought your entire train of thought.

    The true test of a classic act is the question “what would rock be without it”. Even the bands you hated helped knit the fabric we all came to love.

    Take the Jefferson airplane for example. White rabbit was one of only two noteworthy songs they ever came out with. Yet rock and roll would be a bit less without those tunes.

    LZ for all its flaws and excesses, were trailblazers and penned (if then botched) great tunes that made rock and roll what it is.

    At he same time I love this blog, it questions the things the masses are supposed to beleive(when the guy in charge actually sobers up and spews fire!) and allows contrary opinions to be heard! Thats a lot better shake than the mainstream media gives anyone!

  28. Page suck! Thanks for your article! Ritchie Blackmore, Yngwie, Michael Schenker, Luca Turilli are the best!

  29. Thank you Raymond, for both shutting this non-tolerant and arrogant jerk, and for making me laugh. Crappy, you can’t bring all this crap about Page and Clapton and anyone else for that matter with out posting evidence that you have sufficient music talent.

    Lastly, you seem to enjoy insulting people on their grammatical ability and spelling. Yet, in every post you start a sentence with “and”. This is grammatically incorrect :), thank you, good bye.

    Crappy here,

    I’m an arrogant jerk?? You forgot conceited, self-centered, self-absorbed, self-righteous plus a full blown fuckin’ asshole. Yes I am. Thanks for stating the obvious, Spanky.

    Insulting someones grammar is not normally on my list of things to cover. But, if you’re too fuckin’ dimwitted to write clearly and legibly with some degree of focus, I will address that fuck-up(s) if I so choose to. AND!!!!! I haven’t used AND at the beginning of every sentence. If I had, you’d have a feeble point AND only thing to argue about. But, YOU ARE WRONG and I AM RIGHT A-G-A-I-N!! Try reading the other things I’ve got up here before posting another weak comment.

    !!!!! AND !!!! Using “and” IS perfectly fine and acceptable at the beginning of MY sentences. AND!!!!Good luck finding ANYTHING misspelled in ANY of my columns.

    Happy Holidays !! 😀

    Crappy oxox

    • “Good luck finding ANYTHING misspelled in ANY of my columns”

      Congratulations, you own a computer! Thank god for spell check, right?

      I like how you ignore my statement of posting up your guitar playing. You have a lot of nerve putting down other people on a web page, while disguising your name, face, and so called “excellent guitar skills”.

      Then again it wouldn’t be too much of a surprise if Crappy actually was your name. Its pretty obvious you come from a trailer trash family. It wouldn’t be too far fetched if your parents named you that, you know? They probably didn’t give two shits.

      You are also showing your arrogance with your “speed is ub3r l33t” state of mind about the guitar. If this is the case, then bands like Dragonforce would be considered great. I’m assuming you are a big fan of Dragonforce as well.

      Ask yourself this, who is more successful. Led Zeppelin or Malmsteen? You are claiming that the public just comes out of nowhere pointing fingers at people like Page and Clapton and coming to the arbitrary assumption that they are good? “Good” guitar comes from how much emotion is in the playing, and if the music paints a picture in your head.

      Since you do not have a family or friends, I know your holidays must have sucked. So I hope you are feeling better.

      Love Adam

      Crappy here,
      I feel wonderful!! Thanks for asking!!

      Love ya too, babe! 😀

      Crappy….smootch!

  30. yo fuckers
    stop trying to be “awesome listeners” for fucking god’s sake.
    “OMGGGG!! His tone communicates, OMFG!!! His sounds breathe, HOLY FUCK!! PAGE’s tone just wet my pants!”
    PLEASE STOP THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT and the fucking pretence that his sounds are godly.
    It’s true he’s a good guitarist, but not great. the new guitarists just haven’t emerged at that time yet and so he “was” one of the best.

    He’s history now. and FUCKING DEAL WITH THAT

    • “It’s true he’s a good guitarist, but not great. the new guitarists just haven’t emerged at that time yet and so he “was” one of the best.”

      Thats because Jimmy Page was way ahead of his time as far as music talent. As well as all those new guitarists didn’t emerge yet because Jimmy Page influenced them.

      Eddie Van Halen was inspired to popularize and make it a trademark to finger tap in his music because of JIMMY PAGE’S heartbreaker solo.

      “He’s history”? That is why he was in the band that had a record for the most requested song on the radio. You won’t find most people over age 10 that don’t know the song Stairway to Heaven.

      What’s your definition of “great”?

  31. Jimmy Page is little more than a hack in my book. He is like a world renown writer that constantly commits acts of plagiarism, but continues to get acclaim for his “unoriginal” work. In my book, he is merely an opportunist like Bill Gates; he saw an opportunity to take ideas from others and capitalized on them. Don’t believe me, check out his “White Summer” and compare it with Davey Graham’s “She Moved thru’ the Bizarre” and “Mustapha.” Futhermore, check out his “Black Mountain Side” and compare it with Bert Jansch’s “Black Water Side.” Neither Graham and Jansch were the original authors of these songs; however, they arranged these old traditional songs in their own way for steel string acoustic guitar and credited the songs as Traditional Arranged by Graham/Jansch. Page, on the other hand, had the audacity to credit himself on the Led Zeppelin records as the original creative mind of these songs that have been around for a few hundred years.

  32. So very true.
    The terminally drug-addled plonker Jimmy Page was lucky to miss the spaces between the string only 20% of the time. Listening to ‘Zep’ is like being force fed unsalted potatoes until you feel ready to fucking puke.

  33. It’s painful to see so many hate columns on artists. I find so many when I am reaserching bands online. When is everyone going to stop comparing two different types of music. You can compare people of the same style of music and determine who you think(think being the keyword in that sentence) is better at what, but not by comparing two different styles of music. You can only truly determine(despite what anyone thinks) what you like better, not what is better. Yes, Jimmy Page was sloppy thats why a lot of average joe players liked him, so what. He had his momements like many guitar players. He never claimed to be the best or even claimed to be great. Yes, The malmster(as I call him) has discipline and speed and he’s great at what he does, I happen to like a couple of his compositions. It’s us, the critic’s, fellow musicians, the occasional ignorant ranting ass hat on these forums that builds them up more than they are and then when they get to much credit or we get sick of them… we bash them.

    Stop making music a competition your ruining the whole concept of this art. If you love music you will do it a favor and let people like what they want, different people leads to different music.

    It’s sad really, why does anyone really give a fuck about making these forums… so you think Page sucks … great, why do you have to cast this arrogant and self serving shadow on something? You really need to ruin it for people who like him? Are you mad at him? Is his playing so bad that you care about it? I mean he had to do something right to be in the hall of fame, have guitars made after him, to have influenced lots of guitar players and he has more money than all of us, and he made it by doing what we all wish we were doing. Obviously he had something figured out and if he’s not really any good… well atleast he’s smart.

    So, I guess I just wasted 5 minutes. Reply with what you want, I wont be back to read it anyways. Keep playing and listening to what you like and if you find something you don’t… just ignore it.

  34. good blog

  35. jimmy sucks ass

  36. jimmy page is the most peace of shit guitar player i have ever seen, he sucks camel DICK. He can’t even play guitar the rest of zeppelin made him look not even half decent and they suck dick as well. Fuck page sucks, and to all those fuckers out there stop living in the 60s. fucken bitches!

  37. Mindless Self Indulgence fan here. In the words of the ever-wise Jimmy Urine, “I hate Jimmy Page, get your faggot off the stage.” So true. That is all. Thank you. 🙂

  38. Your right Page is sloppy , Clapton plays the same 3 chords all day , Beck can’t right a song for shit,and Hendrix was totally overrated. I hope they all croak . Well at least that scumbag drug addict Hendrix is dead.

  39. I’ve been telling people for 35 fucking years what a pile of shit Page is. No takers where I’m from. Sloppy in a live setting and not much better on record.

    Worst guitar players
    John Sykes
    Van Halen
    Page
    Clapton
    Kirk Hammett
    Carlos Santana
    Vai
    Malmsteen
    Edge
    SRV
    Slash
    B.B. King
    Cobain
    Jeff Healey
    Chris Duarte
    Keith Richards

    • LOLOLOLOL ROFL LIKE SEIROUSLY ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL LIKE NO KIDDING I’M ACTUALLY ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL LIKE ROLLING ON FLOOR ARE U KIDDING ME GET A LIFE MAN.

      • I hate Eric Claptelloncamp!

    • GOD CRAPPY, YOU ARE DELUSIONAL!
      FUCK OFF, GET A LIFE, MAYBE SOME FRIENDS!
      YOU DONT KNOW GUITAR, YOU DONT KNOW MUSIC AND STOP POSTING YOUR ATROCIOUS OPINION ON THE INTERNET YOU
      ABSOLUTE WANKER!
      CUNT!
      BYE.

    • wat… I agree with most of that list, but BB King…?! Clapton?! Come on, man, those are two of the greatest guitarists ever. Carlos Santana certainly can’t be considered one of the “worst guitar players”. Nor can Vai, who I don’t particularly like either. Perhaps you mean “overrated”… not WORST. There are thousands of guitar players that are worse than everyone on that list, no matter how much I dislike most of them.

      I’d really like to know what makes you say BB King is a bad guitar player. He was one of the most influential guitarists of the century for fucks sake.. can’t say that about many guitarists.

      • I take that back. Eric Clapton wasn’t one of the greatest, but he’s definitely a lot better than any of you could ever dream to be.

  40. I agree with everything you said, Crappy, but Led Zeppelin was a ’70s band, dammit. Music from the ’60s was better… for example, the Yardbirds were way better than Led Zeppelin. before Page, that is… I fucking hate Jimmy Page and his hideous guitar playing.

  41. As music theorist who has tried to decipher Page’s guitar playing and analyze it, one simply can not. Why? Because he fucking sucks. Page just plays random garbage as solos and tries to mask his ignorance as ingenuity. If you wish to see talent, look up Wes Montgomery, THAT is a real musician.

  42. Hendrix was very sloppy,but Clapton was more overrated. Jimmy Page has not written a song in decades.but Clapton has . So from a ambition point of view . Jimmy Page is the most worthless . Poor guy has sucked for decades now.

  43. I thoroughly enjoyed this hilarious post along with all the passionate comments. Great read. Jimmy Page’s “Whole Lotta Love Clinic” (at the rocking age of 151.25) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVfLTasv_Fc (at because that song is so damn hard to play).

    Cheers.

  44. The worst thing about Page is that most of the decent music that he made was stolen from other people. Black Mountain Side, for example, is a nice tune. The problem is that Jimmy Page stole it. Dazed and confused… stolen. Whole Lotta Love… stolen. Do you see a pattern here? This was how Led Zeppelin came up with so many classics. They simply stole them from other musicians. Check it out if you don’t believe me. Some of the plagiarism is well known but Led Zeppelin have been trying to cover up most of it for many years. Unluckily for them someone invented the internet so now it will never go away. Still, they have their millions of pounds. I doubt they care too much…

  45. Jummy Page is a consummate producer, a great arranger, a decent songwriter (when he wasn’t ripping old blues artists off) and a sloppy guitarist. End of thread.

  46. The page owner doesn’t even open chords and doesn’t lift rofl fight me irl

  47. Funny, I think this guy is just trying to troll people, lol I’d love to know what correct pitch actually nevermind there is no such thing as correct pitch when ur writing music, only what u create, nonetheless this guy fails to recognize this

  48. ypu are a Fool

  49. If page wasn’t a drunken fool drooling all over himself he’d still suck. I laugh every time I think of this clown playing a guitar with that stupid violin bow. I guess when you suck as bad as he does you have to rely on cheesy gimmicks. His fans are idiots who refuse to believe he’s anything but the greatest which is the exact opposite of what he is in reality. The guy can’t play guitar worth a damn.

  50. So true, maybe Zeppelin ‘ live shows wouldn’t of been so god awful if they had a real guitarist. Then again could Plant’s wrists get any limper? Before you fanbois jump all over me I’ve actually had the unfortunate experience of seeing this band live and to this day it was the most boring sloppy concert I have ever been to. Most of their music is unrecognizable garbage live.

  51. Jimmy Page and Led Zep are a complete FRAUD. Thieves. Do yourself a favor and listen to the 25 or so songs that Page/Plant took credit for, but didn’t write. THEY KNEW. yeah they could play well. SO WHAT? Millions of dudes play well and didn’t LIE TO THE WORLD.
    Everything WRONG about integrity is LED ZEP. What a bunch of us fools gave them tons of money. ZEP owes that money to a BUNCH OF OTHER SONGWRITERS!

  52. Best Blog ever ! !


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: