No Fuckin’ Chick Can Rock….Except These….

Hey dipshit!! Before you get too excited, you better read the part 1 of this 2 parter;  https://crappystruth.wordpress.com/2007/07/26/no-fuckin-chick-can-rock-broads-can-not-rock-and-chick-bands-totally-fuckin-suck/

The exceptions to every rule concept does exist. Just because an exception exists, doesn’t change the sometimes very painful fact that the RULE is in place and never changing. Thanks to the constant flow of talentless, hacking bullshit coming from all over. The exceptions to my rock rule are here. I’m always open to new music. Anytime I can add to my enjoyable music collection, I’m ready to jump on it. However, these are not new people, but they thoroughly fuckin’ rock. They’ve been around for some time. In fact, in one maybe two cases, they’ve been around since the early 80’s even late 70’s. In this installment of SUCKS, I’m talking about female singers only. They can be female singers in an all male band or female singers in an all female band. The latter being just two bands I’ve ever heard so far. The two all chick bands are original Phantom Blue and Vixen.

I’ll start with the two that I know of so far from the 80’s: Ann Boleyn and Pat Benatar.

Ann Boleyn…..holy shit, this woman can belt out vocals like very few, seasoned male metal singers can. Ann’s got pipes of steel. I prefer Ann’s material with her band Hellion, specifically with axeman Chet Thompson. Ann’s other material with Hellion and later material is good also, and her other guitarists and bandmates are all competent players. The best way to describe Ann’s ability is to hear her on youtube. The other singers I’ll be covering here have some kind of operatic training background, but as far as I know, Ann doesn’t. Which makes her even more unusual. Along with the fact that the others also don’t possess that “metal” sound either. As far as metal vocals go with a woman, Ann Boleyn is a freak of nature. Ann is just a helova talent and sadly, far too often overlooked. In my authoritative view, Ann Boleyn is the undisputed queen of heavy metal.

Pat Benatar…. is an operatically trained singer and it can be heard in her style. Pat sings in a much more popular style but her power and range, I’m happy to say, still come through in the material she performs. Pat has a little gravelly tone sometimes that gives her singing an edge to it as well as that rough tone keeps her separate from the bubble gum bullshit.

Tarja Turunen…. is a Finnish soprano best known for her legendary work with and founding member/lead singer of the symphonic power metal band Nightwish. Tarja is the definition of a vocal powerhouse. This woman, I feel has been able to single handedly bring female vocals of the highest quality to the forefront in a true power metal fashion. Tarja’s musical sensibilities, her vocal melody lines and ability to deliver the largest amount of original, unique and overall creativity and performance I’ve ever heard to date. This woman has crossed the line into supernatural. Tarja has been a huge and main influence on the next on my list….

Simone Simons…. is a Dutch mezzo-soprano and mainly known as the lead singer in the symphonic power metal band Epica. Simone’s vocals are the most beautiful sounds and about as close to hearing an angel sing as I’ve ever heard. When I hear her voice, depending on the tune, I experience a variety of mental pictures including a ghostly apparition to a dark gothic 16th century ghost story to an angelic being guiding a lost child into the light. These are a few of the incredible vocal flavors and melodic landscapes this remarkable singer can produce with her clearly gifted abilities. I’ll use the same word here about Simone, she too has crossed over into the supernatural. After all this praise I’ve given to Simone, the only thing about her vocals that I feel doesn’t quite fit is that her singing for the power metal genre is a little too clean. I would like to hear some slight raspiness in some of her material. Perhaps 3-4 songs out of a 10 song CD.

Honorable mentions:

Quinn Weng of Seraphim from Taipei Taiwan. Very floaty and soft. Not really a metal woman at all, just nice to listen to as a non-metal singer in a metal context.

Beatriz Albert of Ebony Ark from Madrid Spain is fantastic. Beatriz is a complete vocal package. The right amount of well balanced aggression and an undeniable power combined with an unusually unique youthful brightness. This woman’s voice cuts through and takes control of every song with a real conviction that is rarely heard. I’ll even go so far as to say she sometimes sounds like she’s got a slight flavor of Ann Boleyn. Very slight. The one problem that Beatriz has, and it’s a serious one when you’re going to be in the public eye, is she needs to drop 40-50 pounds. It’s not enough to be a great artist, you must look the part as well. This applies to every single performer/entertainer no matter the area of choice.

One band I do want to mention here is Bitch with Betsy Bitch on vocals from the very early 80’s. She’s a decent singer and still looks really good.

There are more, but that’s it for now. These truly phenomenal singers you will check out and realize again, I am always right. You will delve into the symphonic metal world and come across others for yourself. You just can’t go wrong. Now….go!!….Get outta here and find them ya lazy shits!!

Love, Crappy  xo!!

p.s. If you think I’m gettin’ a little soft, you better read PART 1 of this Click the link below:

https://crappystruth.wordpress.com/2007/07/26/no-fuckin-chick-can-rock-broads-can-not-rock-and-chick-bands-totally-fuckin-suck/

Do you want to know who I am? Who the hell is Crappystruth?? Click this link below to learn more about me.

 https://crappystruth.wordpress.com/2007/07/03/hello-world/

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DAVID LEE ROTH: Worlds #1 Greatest Rock Frontman in History

  

 Every chick wants him, every guy wants to be him. Of course, runner up to Dave, is every guy wants to be Ed. I’ve checked out many of the written reviews of the Van Halen ’07-’08 reunion tour and I still have to laugh at the jealous, stinking pigs that need to feel better about their own pathetic lives still after more than 20+ years, attacking Diamond Dave. “Dave’s this, Dave’s that, Dave can’t blah blah, Dave’s got the biggest ego.” In order to be a great frontman, in Dave’s case the greatest of all time, a huge ego must be present in incredible abundance. Charisma must be present in incredible abundance.

EGO:   1. the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.

CHARISMA:  1. A spiritual power or personal quality that gives an individual influence or authority over large numbers of people.

2.  A rare personal quality attributed to leaders who arouse fervent popular devotion and enthusiasm. Personal magnetism or charm.

  

     

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 Clearly, Diamond Dave has all of these qualities including his famous flying by the seat of his pants vibe and so much more.

           What makes a good frontman, let alone a great one? For one thing, having the balls to get up in front of people at the big risk of falling flat on your face and being laughed, booed or both right off the stage.

          What made Roth/Van Halen so awesome? So terrific? So unique? It’s not limited to just one thing. There was never a band like Roth/Van Halen before they came along. And except for the 1986 DLR Band, there hasn’t been one since. David Lee Roth made you forget about your daily problems for an hour and a half.  Dave successfully helped you forget about your lousy, shitty job with that mean, barking son-of-a-bitch boss. Don’t have a girlfriend? Chances are you’ll meet some cool chicks at the show. Have a girlfriend you can’t stand? Ditch her for a better one at the the show. Dave made you feel like he was your pal, your big bro inviting you over to his place to meet new people and hot chicks. Dave made everyone in the arena feel like they were part of the show, you were a part of the party. That you were not just the spectator, but you were an important part of that bigger than life show. That party at your big brother Diamond Dave’s house. No other frontman, no matter how talented they were/are, have been able to do this. To recreate this kind of atmosphere in any other rock show.

        Ya know that great expression, “Often imitated, never duplicated,” this is Diamond David Lee Roth right down to the letter. The mold really was broken with Dave. Dave’s innate ability to comfortably interact with the audience with such an intimacy, really is superhuman.

       Roth is in fantastic shape and yet some people talk shit about that and Dave’s age.  No famous and half ass famous guy in rock before 1997 or even today, is in even half as good of shape as Roth. Can it be said about any of the following?:

Mick Jaggar and anyone in The Rolling Stones

Tom Petty

Bruce Springsteen

Steven Tyler and all the slobs in Aerosmith

Bono and all those fuckers in U2

Ozzy

Black Sabbath all of them

Sammy Hagar    slob….

Any band that follows in the footsteps of Nirvana

Countless others…..

         All of these muther fuckers look like total and complete fuckin’ shit but Roth doesn’t.

        Roth has managed to continue to do what no one else has, fuckin’ rock and look and be, a superhero doing it. 

Do you want to know who I am? Who the hell is Crappystruth?? Click this link below to learn more about me.

 https://crappystruth.wordpress.com/2007/07/03/hello-world/

Sharon Osbourne ( A.K.A. The Devil )

          I have had the misfortune of dealing with this yeast-infected Cunt one time and one time only when I was back-stage at an Ozzfest show. I would have never imagined that so much filthy raw sewage and venom could be stuffed into such a short, fat little Candarian Demon Troll (CDT) as Sharon. This is of course at the time before “It” left the States to have the mythical 3 foot leaches suck the fat out of “It’s” disease-ridden carcass. I don’t expect “IT” to remember me. Since when does any tyrant-dictator remember their victims or the carnage they’re responsible for. Besides it being some years ago. Some of you may be familiar with some of the acting work Sharon has done. Sharon plays “Itself” as the Alien Queen in all the “Alien” films. So it’s not a stretch for “It.” 

       Ozzy’s wife/mother/handler Sharon Osbourne, goes above and beyond your average filthy cut-throat music business shark. You may hear from time to time stories or “tales” of a “creature” that redefines the terms “cold-blooded” — “heartless” — “sinister” –“soulless” these and others are terms that fit Sharon Osbourne right down to “It’s” cloven hooves. Allow me to share with you a little short story and other little tid bits woven in, about Sharon “the troll cunt” Osbourne and what a wonderful piece of work “It” is.

     When Ozzy had his falling out with Black Sabbath he spent time trying to commit suicide using drugs and alcohol and in time “The Beast” Sharon found him and tried to clean him up for the sole purpose of using him as a tool (which she still does to this day. Working Ozzy like he’s a mule plowing one thousand acres.) to try to make a name for “Itself” in the process. To show “It’s” father that “It” could do something with “It’s” worthless existence besides be an albatross the size of a tow-truck to everyone “It” encountered. Speaking of a tow-truck that’s just what Sharon resembled through most of “It’s” life. As with all Candarian Demon Trolls they will eat anything they get their claws on (chairs, license plates, tires, whatever is within reach and can be chased down) or until their gut bursts. And Sharon was no different. In addition to having a face only a mother could love or in “It’s case “like”, it is also a face that’s been slam-kissed hard by the grills of several Kenworth tractor-trailers. CDT’s are also known for waddling out into traffic aimlessly.

       Sharon has never loved Ozzy, Sharon married Ozzy in order to have total and complete control over “It’s” “investment” which anyone with two eyes can see by the way Sharon slave-works that poor son-of-a-bitch. Let’s not forget about the two humanoid looking slugs Sharon birthed, but I’ll touch on that later. So, controlling CDT’s can be a very tricky and very dangerous endeavor. I’ve heard one way is by using highly modified “Hot-shot” type cattle prods that produce a massive electrical jolt that will knock a 1,400lb cow directly on it’s ass AND incapacitate the animal for up to 30 minutes. In the case of CDT Sharon it will get the creature to move in the direction the prod user desires.

People who are familiar with early Ozzy meaning the Randy years may have heard of the names Bob Daisley and Lee Kerslake. These two Cat’s handled bass and drum duties respectively on the Randy/Ozzy material. Here is one of the typical moves that make Sharon a unique, British Bull Dog piece of shit. One day when Sharon was wallowing in the stench it’s outdoor pen, it came up with an idea to make a little more money by pulling out the old masters that Bob and Lee performed on, and removing Bob and Lee’s important contribution on those recordings. Then hiring some studio guys, and for a flat fee, rerecord Bob and Lee’s parts thereby eliminating having to rightfully pay royalties to Bob and Lee. Isn’t that a nice thing for Sharon to do for Bob and Lee?? After all, it was such a heavy burden for these two guys to have to periodically go out to their horrible mailbox to take out a royalty check once in a while. Well Sharon fixed that, didn’t it?

A very talented guitar player by the name of Joe Holmes temporarily replaced Zakk-fuck and from what I heard, Ozzy himself said he really liked Joe. Ozzy said Joe was totally a team player and very professional and very enjoyable to be around. But the fans wanted Zakk. Of this statement the one thing I don’t believe is the fans wanted Zakk. Why do I feel this? Because I’ve seen the crowds go nuts for Joe, that’s why. People were very bummed out about Jake E. Lee leaving, but I don’t recall a fan revolt about it. And, I don’t recall hearing of a fan revolt about shit-for-brains Wylde leaving either. I think what it came down to was Sharon probably has a “thing” for Zakk and likes fantasizing about breeding with him as often as possible. Joe was with Ozzy from 1995 after the recording of Ozzmosis to 1998. Then rejoined in 2000 for the Ozzfest tour and later left but not before co-writing Facing Hell, junkie, and That I Never Had for the Down to Earth album. In addition Joe worked for the greatest front-man in rock music history, David Lee Roth.

So, Joe Holmes has had serious tenure with the two biggest, legendary frontmen of all time. Now, that doesn’t happen by accident, kids. You’ve got to have your act together like nobody’s business.

Let’s not forget that worthless “The Osbournes” t.v. show. And, how Sharon sent an actual box of shit to a British reviewer who panned the show in a review of his own. Yep, Sharon is truly an even bigger pile of walking shit than Zakk. Those two fuckin’ slugs Sharon birthed, Jack and the other fat one, are the worst attempt at cloning I’ve ever seen. Listening to Rhinoceros Kelly try to sing, sounds just like the sound Loyd made from Dumb and Dumber right after he asks, “Wanna hear the most irritating sound in the world?” These two offspring are perfect examples of how the rich have no excuse for having fat children. And, the perfect reason to support abortion. Although young produced by CDT Sharon, it’s expected they’ll be huge, fat-ass, worthless wastes of space, not unlike the creature that birthed them. Sharon Osbourne…… I wouldn’t be surprised if Sharon moonlighted as some sort of an instructor to a terrorist group.

         Well, there ya go kiddies.   … Beware of the music business, the creatures that dwell within it….and the dark.

         Because……… there really IS something lurking underneath your bed AND in your closet at night.

 Your light at the end of the tunnel……Crappy  ox!

p.s. If you’re the type that really appreciated Randy Rhoads/Ozzy material, the two BEST and ONLY replacements for Randy before Jake E. Lee and even after Jake, would have been:  Craig Collins Turner or Chet Thompson. Both pupils of Randy’s. Craig very senior over Chet.

These two players would have continued that kind of songwriting but in their own way and we would’ve had many more terrific albums than this fuckin’ bullshit that Ozzy’s put out instead.

Do you want to know who I am? Who the hell is Crappystruth?? Click this link below to learn more about me.

 https://crappystruth.wordpress.com/2007/07/03/hello-world/