The Donnas Band Member Climbed by Four Swedes with Pickaxes

I wish I had found this story back in December, but better late than never.  This is about Maya Ford of the chick band the Donnas.  All of you dumbass guys out there who think she is hot, you better think again.  Just read what happened to four guys who found her a few months ago in a snow storm in Denver.



(DECEMBER 17, 2008 – Denver, Colo.) Maya Ford, bass player for the punk-rock band the Donnas, was climbed Friday night after a concert at the Pepsi Center in Denver. Two of the four climbers, all of whom are from Sweden, were taken to the hospital with altitude sickness. A third climber even hours later said he still couldn’t believe it wasn’t a gigantic mountain.


“All I see is this . . . this . . . thing, this enormous thing that block the moon,” said Asbjorn Eriksson, 24, a professional high-altitude mountain climber from the city of Gothenburg. “My partners and I had gear with us, so we said, hey, let us make haste and climb it.”


Unknown to Eriksson and his partners, the “mountain” was actually Maya Ford, who had been standing out in a snow storm, signing autographs for fans. With Maya almost completely covered with snow, Eriksson said his team naturally mistook her for a mountain.


“It was very embarrassing to us to find out it was rock star we climb and not Rocky Mountains,” said Eriksson, who has scaled peaks even larger than Maya such as Mt. Rushmore and Alaska’s deadly Mt. McKinley. “I say we call this one Mt. Maya. Next time up, I stick the flag of our country in her ear!”


After the climbers got off her, Maya was enraged. “I can’t help it if I’m a fat slob!” she yelled at her tour manager. “I can’t help it if every time I go to the beach and float on my back, F-14s try to land on my stomach! I can’t help it if my dentist can scrape my teeth and eat for a week! Is that any reason for people I don’t even know to be climbing all over me? No man has ever climbed all over me. And for it to happen in the middle of a snow storm, well, that’s pretty frightening. I need something to eat!”


The two climbers who succumbed to altitude sickness were treated at St. Anthony Hospital and released. Both were unavailable for comment.


The fourth climber, Greger Faltskog, 26, from the city of Norrkoping , said it was a tough climb. After the team navigated past Maya’s pillar-sized thighs and made it around her Grand-Canyon vagina, their entire food supply was lost when the sled carrying it tumbled off the bass player’s ring-around-Saturn stomach. But they pressed on toward the summit, and Lady Luck shined on them.


“When we make it to her neck area,” Faltskog said, “we find part of burrito, chocolate donut and chunk of Butterfinger candy bar on what we thought is prehistoric rock formation. It turn out to be just her necklace, but it do not matter at that time. We were just glad to have the food!”


Sources close to the band say this isn’t the first time something like that happened to the 28-year-old bassist.


“When the Donnas were in L.A. on a break from the tour last year, we all went down to the La Brea Tar Pits,” said Alicia Martin, the band’s publicist. “Well, there were all kinds of school kids there on a field trip, and they thought Maya was a dinosaur that came back to life. Supposedly one of the kids went into shock. The news said that a month later, a 10-year-old girl was still having nightmares about a brontosaurus playing ‘Jingle Bell Rock’ on a ukulele.”


On the band’s tour bus in Denver after the climbing incident, Maya and the other Donnas, Brett Anderson, Allison Robertson and Torry Castellano, talked it over. The other girls suggested ways Maya could avoid another case of mistaken identity.


“You need to fucking lose weight, Maya,” said Castellano, the drummer and the only band member who has had sex with men. “You can’t even get on the fucking bus without using a goddamn crowbar. It’s bullshit.”


Anderson, who is the band’s vocalist, said, “If you get so fat you can’t get out of your house to go tour with us, we’re not cutting the wall off your bedroom like they did for that fat fuck on Jerry Springer. You’re just going to have to stay there and live with yourself.”


Robertson, the guitarist and peacemaker of the band, took another tact. “Look, Maya, we’ve been through all this before. First, there were those kids who thought you were a brontosaurus. Then in Florida, you wore that black and white shirt, and that guy at Sea World tried to get you in a tank so he could train you to do somersaults and spray water at people. And now these Swedish guys climbed you because you’re bigger than the Pepsi Center. I strongly suggest that you commit suicide. You don’t play your instrument that well, you sweat all the time, and none of the guys in the audience like you. I have a bottle of sixty-milligram Phenobarbitals, if you want them.”


At least three of the Donnas will be on tour through March 25.



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Miley Ray Cyrus is a cheap slut just like I’ve known all along

I just found this online. I don’t usually put actual news type stories on my blog here, but this is a case where I need to do it so I can prove one of many points I’ve been trying to make with you shitheads all along: Country music also sucks ass, along with tween pop music sucking ass, and most people involved with either suck ass, although not as bad as Eric Clapton and Carlos Santana. This story is about Miley Ray Cyrus, who is too young to fuck legally, but really, she’s gross looking anyway so why would anyone want too?  Although, I’m sure many of you who “enjoy” your farm animals will find her looks on par with your barnyard friends.  

                   So, what do you think about this??

But before I post the story, I need to add a few keywords to this thing so the search engines will pick it up, because that’s the only way I can get morons who are into Miley Cyrus to come to my blog:


Miley Cyrus Vanity Fair, Miley Cyrus topless photos, Miley nude, Miley Ray Cyrus, Billy Ray Cyrus, Miley’s photo shoot, Vanity Fair photos, Olsen Twins


(I put the Olsen Twins tag in there because those mothefucking bitches get more search queries than God and Jesus put together. So keep this in mind – if you have a website about, say, how to repair a transmission, put in some Olsen Twins key words and you’ll get so many fucking hits you won’t know what to do with yourself)


Okay, here’s the story:


( April 28, 2008 – Los Angeles ) “Hannah Montana” star Miley Ray Cyrus shocked a room full of reporters Monday when she announced that for the past four years, she’s been sleeping with her father, country artist Billy Ray Cyrus. The press conference at the Beverly Hills Hotel in Los Angeles was intended to give 16-year-old Miley a chance to speak about recent controversial photos she shot for an upcoming issue of Vanity Fair magazine, but she surprised everybody with something a little more startling.


  “I know you guys think sleeping with my dad is a big deal, but believe me, it’s not,” Miley said after the buzz from reporters died down. “Dad’s been impotent since he fell off that donkey in Mexico , and I’m totally frigid and unresponsive. Basically all we do is roll around naked in the bed and talk about Aly & AJ.”


   Miley’s publicist, Stanley Goldstein, broke in and said, “Those in the entertainment industry with large-scale popularity are faced with constant pressure and difficulties. Miley is no more immune to normal teenage emotions than the average girl her age. Do not judge her for being normal.”


   A reporter from Billboard magazine expressed disgust at Miley’s announcement and sarcastically asked the teen how large her father’s penis was when erect. Miley countered, “Wouldn’t you like to know!”  She paused and said, “Come to think of it, I’d like to know, too.”


   The Vanity Fair photo shoot was overseen by acclaimed photographer Annie Leibowitz, who is known for pressuring her subjects into edgy poses that some call provocative and indecent. Miley told the reporters that there was nothing indecent about the photos that will be in the June issue of the magazine.


   Long-time Hollywood gossip columnist Clair Constantine said, “I saw some of the stills, Miley. There are a few where you and your father are behaving like lovers.”


  “Well, duh,” Miley said. “I just told you – that’s what we are. I love him, he loves me. We love each other. What did you expect – that we would be throwing rocks at each other?”


   As the situation deteriorated, a reporter from The National Enquirer asked Miley if she was still a virgin, since Billy Ray was impotent.


  “Technically, I am,” Miley answered. “I don’t have my hymen thingy anymore, but that’s only because one time when me and my dad were fooling around in the Jacuzzi, he accidentally kneed me in the groin and achey-broke it.”


Vanity Fair’s June issue will be on sale May 3.


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Progressive Metal/Rock, just as the name says, “Progressive means moving forward,” is always on the cutting edge of new and innovative. It’s just the best stuff out when looking for something “new” and how about……”Progressive.” This is not Rush. There never was nor will there ever be anything progressive about Rush. I find people who are into Progressive Metal/Rock, feel they need to include these hacks in their Prog Metal list of fav’s. There is only one good thing about this dumb fuckin’ band….that is the drummer, Neil Peart. He needs to be playing with real musicians. But, that doesn’t mean I think Peart is that good of a drummer either. Just better at what he does than the other two jack-offs. And, when it comes to a small handful of the worst singers ever, that fuckin’ toucan Geddy Lee pops right up   (

Geddy Lee’s whiny, nasally, complaining vocals, sound so much like Alice Kramden of The Honeymooners, in rare form goin’ off on Ralph. When I hear Geddy start up with his shit, I imagine seeing a large skillet flying, like an ICBM through the air to kiss his scarecrow face, exactly like a cartoon. And then see the metal of the pan mold around and take shape of his huge beak. Oh…if only that could stop his noise. Geddy’s bass playing is almost as useless as Alex Lifeless’ guitar playing. Geddy’s bass playing is just so weak with nothing to add. The guy just can’t play anything creative at all. Geddy works his bass like it’s a wrench on a nut. Alex Lifeson must be the most pathetic excuse for a guitar player right alongside The Firm of U2 (believe me, I’ll get to those useless-worthless U2 fuckers). Rush may be in 2nd place for being the most overrated band to have success in the world.

Really, what does Lifeson need with a guitar anyway? Lifeson handles a guitar just like an actor does in a movie and you know that actor has never picked up one before in his life. I’ve seen children operate an inflatable balloon guitar with more dexterity than Lifeson. Watching Alex Lifeson try to work a guitar, is like watching a 95 year old with advanced arthritis use a Rubik’s Cube.

Then there’s the music of Mush…er..ahh..Rush. Songs with no ending in sight. And these lackluster songs just go on and on and on. Maybe if Rush had a real guitar player and a real bass player, then you’d have something. But, if you did that, then you’d have a real band anyway, wouldn’t cha’? So, in closing, if you’re into Prog Metal that’s great, good for you for having some taste. But, if you like these guys Rush, they don’t belong in the same category as real players.


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