Yngwie Johann Malmsteen (born Lars Johan Yngve Lannerbäck ) is A Legend, A Pioneer And An Inspiration To Us All. And, has RIGHTFULLY EARNED the RESPECT of every last one of you filthy, stinking, degenerate, mutherfuckin’ THANKLESS and UNGRATEFUL FUCKIN’ SHEEP RAPISTS, for BEING THE SOLE CREATOR of something that NEVER EXISTED before he came along.
Yngwie has been viciously attacked for more years than I care to count. The insults I hear are among the most brainless I’ve heard about anyone. Bullshit about his weight and his poor interview skills are two I’ve heard too many times. Really, who gives a fuckin’ shit??! And, why would you give a fuckin’ shit???!!! The massive bulk of you filthy, poser fakes, beating up on your own guitar, can’t speak well enough when ordering fries at a drive-through. Of all the players I’ve had the sincere pleasure of meeting, knowing and becoming good friends with throughout the years, and there have been many, Yngwie is the only one that’s slipped through my radar. A number of times we’ve just missed each other by only a few minutes.
I’ve heard stories both nice and not so nice about Yngwie’s behavior. And, in the end, do you buy someones music, for the kind of person they are in their personal life, or do you buy their music for…..THEIR MUSIC? The enjoyment their music gives you. I’ll tell ya right now, I never have, nor will I EVER base my purchase of an artist’s music on their personality. And, unless all of you are hypocrites, (Sadly, most of you are hypocrites.) YOU WON’T EITHER.
Now, since I’m right about every fuckin’ thing I say and write, this column will be just the same. Yngwie has problems, hey, don’t we all!! One difference between most people who are fucked up and Yngwie is, Yngwie is talented and is a pioneer (pioneering is something very few have done in anything), meaning Yngwie started the Shred movement. Yngwie is solely responsible for the concept, the idea for high speed, articulated picking and incorporating a bunch of Paganiniesque, Vivaldi and J.S. Bach flavorings, and harmonic minor into his playing. Yngwie cornered the market on these. So, anyone who tries to play too closely to this, has been called an “Yngwie Clone.” For a player to have such a powerful influence, that a name “Yngwie clone” is created, is really incredible. No other player has matched this feat.
Before Yngwie, SHREDDING DID NOT EXIST. So, the terms “shred, shredding, shredder” NEVER EXISTED and were applied to Yngwie FIRST. The term “shredded” came into existence first with bodybuilding, describing how extremely lean or “shredded” a bodybuilder was during their competition shows, and then drifted over to describing the technical prowess of guitar players around 1985/1986 and expanded to a few variations.
For the six or so years following Edward Van Halen’s meteoric rise to legendary status, prior to Yngwie’s debut release of “Rising Force,” (which by the way earned Yngwie a Grammy nomination) most current and every new player of the time, took advantage of the easy-to-do, and speed of doing the two-handed hammer-on pull-offs that Edward exposed us too. Many people used this technique as a “CRUTCH” (a crutch, sound familiar??!?). A few up-and-coming players at the time tried to stay away from this technique or did very little of it. Randy Rhoads and Jake E. Lee were two players who mostly stayed away from it but used it sparingly. Yngwie put a stop to all this two-handed bullshit.
Yngwie picked faster than everyone was doing their two-handed shit, and many, many people admitted to total disbelief upon their first few listening’s of Rising Force, that they thought the recording was sped up. Yngwie woke up everyone to the idea that, we better get off our asses, stop bullshitting ourselves and start to really put in time to be a quality player. Yngwie elevated the electric guitar from being what a 60’s scumbag-drug-addict used, to being a respected instrument and to be taken seriously with a world of legitimate potential.
One gutless comment I hear about every new Yngwie album that comes out, from countless people is, “It’s sounds just like every other Yngwie album.” Yngwie created something from essentially nothing, and then you fuckers say it sounds like every other album. It sounds like Yngwie. You can make that same exact “sounds like every other album by fill in the blank” comment, about EVERY artist that has ever existed. That’s right!!! EVERY OTHER ARTIST!!!!! Every artist is doing what they do, but when Yngwie is doing his style, suddenly it’s a bad thing. THAT IS CALLED BEING A HYPOCRITE.
If you’re gonna say that about Yngwie, then tell the truth and say it about ALL. So, will you? Of course you won’t, because so many of you are gutless, spineless fuckin’ cowards. Afraid to stand out, afraid to be a “man.” Afraid to be an individual and not follow what your friends “the sheep” say. Afraid to stake your own claim in this life. No, you won’t, you have no balls. And, you’ll continue to stand on the sidelines and watch life pass you by, and you’ll be a Monday morning quarterback. Yngwie did it HIS WAY. Yngwie may be the only well known player that has stayed true to what he does, and he will be remembered as the legendary pioneer that HE IS.
So, fuck you.
Yngwie has consistently, consistently superior vibrato and bends, both always perfectly to pitch. Always a clean, clean player. And he has been a very good songwriter including writing his own lyrics. His phrasing is very unique and outstanding. My personal favorite lead is from the song “You Don’t Remember, I’ll Never Forget.” His lead in this song I feel is his best. Every time I hear this I can feel the screaming bloody agony of a ripped apart heart. The emotional, broken hearted pain of this song is in every single second. And when the lead happens, I haven’t heard anyone write and then perform phrasing with such intense, realistic suffering ever in my life. So, if all you hear is some fast notes, that tells me you haven’t heard Yngwie, and you are the musical illiterates I’ve always known you filthy trash to be.
The song “Marching Out” is another outstanding song. It’s a very sexual instrumental. “Brothers” off of Seventh Sign is another beautiful instrumental, it sounds like it maybe should be named something else because it sounds like it’s written for a lost love too. And, to me 1:52-2:16 sounds like he’s screaming to the heavens to return that one true love. Yngwie’s version of “Child in Time” is terrific. Open your fuckin’ ears, you stupid bastards and listen.
My suggestions if you’re a new guitar user for Yngwie Cd’s to get, would be these to get a good idea, and in no particular order:
1. Rising Force
2. Marching Out
4. Fire and Ice
P.S. In 1987 Yngwie was in a serious car accident and was in a coma for a week and was not expected to live. Here’s a legendary, pioneering player who survived a near death accident. We are all fortunate to have this legendary player still with us today. I can think of many people that wish Randy was still with us. Me among them.