Crappy’s Music Business 101: Episode 1 When Are You Too Old To Rock ‘N Roll? Signs And Reasons It’s Not Gonna Happen

Hello to ALL you bullshit-poser, 2-bit hack fuckin’ fakers and of course my loyal fans!!! At last!! Crappy’s Music Business end of my site. As with “Crappy’s Guitar 101,” my music business columns will also be a limited run of columns, and each one will be up an runnin’ as I complete them (just don’t set your watch by it). Again, as with “Crappy’s Guitar 101” I’ll be covering the painfully fuckin’ obvious as well as, in this case, maybe the not-so-obvious. So, sit back and enjoy my first installment and maybe your gray matter will begin to tingle. Probably for the first time WITHOUT pharmaceuticals!! Lol!!

Crappy’s Music Business 101: Episode 1

“When Are You Too Old To Rock ‘N Roll? Signs And Reasons It’s Not Gonna Happen.”

Yep, it’s a painful pill to swallow. I’ve chosen this subject for my first music business column for the simple reason that everyone needs to know this and no one has ever addressed it.  So, let’s get right to it!

Are You Too Old To Rock?

The answer to this is in two parts. The first is, No, you’re not too old to rock. You can and should rock your fuckin’ ass off till you’re dead. That was easy enough, wasn’t it? Right?

The second part isn’t so easy. In fact, the real question is, are you too old to be a rock star? I’m going to tell you how it is. I–DID–NOT make these rules, I’m only telling you what they are. Rock ‘n roll is a young man’s game. It always has been, and it always will be. The age range for starting, building and having a career in rock, in other words, achieving, rock stardom starts about 15 years old and ends at about 30 years old.

         IF, IF, IF you don’t have any upward and growing movement in your career by the time you reach 30, YOU ARE DONE!  YOU ARE DONE!  YOU ARE DONE!
          Are There Exceptions? Well, sort of. . .
1. If you’re maintaining the momentum you have (meaning it’s leveled off) but it appears that it’s going to increase.
2. Your genetics. Do you look young? No matter what your age is, relatively speaking, if you look to be about 32 or under, nature has loaned you some additional time.
3. LIE!!…LIE!!….LIE!!. If you are one of the lucky ones that looks under 32, or are really under 32 (32 is the bleed off point), get into the habit of NOT TELLING ANYONE your true age. Because you just don’t know who that person you’re talking to knows, is, or is related to. LIFE IS NOT FAIR, so why should the entertainment business at any level and in any form be different?? “The Business” IS NOT FAIR. So, you need to do what ever it takes to get an upper hand.
              Since when does any fucker need to know your age?? Huh?!! The longer you can maintain the illusion you’re young within the above age range, you ride it until “that dog won’t hunt” anymore. If you do say an age, typically, depending on your youthfulness, you can claim to be as much as 10-12 years less than your actual age. After that, your real age and your fake age must move in tandem. Exercise, use facial skin care products and talk to chicks/skin care professionals to find things to help your face and neck look younger. And, shave your face regularly because if you don’t, your gray facial hair will show. And, at some point you’ll have to color the hair on top of that fat head of yours.

People are alike all over. If you look young, but you tell your real age, 98 times or more, out of 100 you will lose the gig to a less competent person because they really are young. People will tell you one thing and do the direct opposite, i.e., THEY WILL LIE!!! So, you are just beating them to it. Every weapon at your disposal you had better use, you sure-as-shit better use ALL of them.

           “What if I can’t pull off this age bullshit or I don’t wanna play this game???”
                If you can’t or won’t play the game, you are done. It’s just that simple. It’s just that simple. 1+1=2, can’t play = You are FINISHED, won’t play = You are FINISHED.
            “Okay, I haven’t made it yet, I’m over 30 and don’t look young. Why don’t I still have a chance???”
          This is why you don’t have a chance. Teenagers are rebellious. Teenagers are looking for a rebellious leader. ANYONE…ANYONE….ANYONE who, even just a tiny bit, looks like, tone-wise sounds like, moves like, acts like, owns something like their parents, teachers, authority figure a.k.a “the man,” those teenagers will stay the fuck away from you, like a vampire stays away from a cross.
             Teenagers will and do identify with someone like them, someone who looks like them, someone who acts like them. Someone who is cool. And, LOOKS YOUNG!!!! If you resemble my parent, teacher, “the man” example above, teenagers will NOT buy what you’re selling. Who did YOU like when YOU were young??? People who were like your parents, or Blackie Lawless of W.A.S.P., David Lee Roth, Eddie Van Halen/Van Halen, Bruce Dickinson/Iron Maiden and Ozzy?? To name a few, and that usually means having long fuckin’ hair. These are the reasons you will not make it. And, these reasons are different from an established act or person.
    “But Crappy, I’m not a dishonest person, I won’t lie and I’m gonna do things my way on the up and up.”
                Okay, knock yourself out, pal. You’re in the wrong line of work. And, if that’s all you got outta what I’ve written here, than you don’t deserve to have any success and you’re a moron. People who are rock stars, made it in some way BEFORE 30, and just got bigger from there. That is what I’m saying. YOU NEED TO REREAD, REREAD REREAD THIS EPISODE so it’s really in your thick, fuckin’ head.
                     “HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:”
                  Homework assignment and a dare. I fuuuckin’ dare ya to find ANYONE, any-fuckin’-one who made it after the age of 32 and made it MEANS ROCK FUCKIN’ STARDOM. Someone who was UNKNOWN AND WITH NO UPWARD MOMENTUM AFTER THE AGE OF 32!!! I fuckin’ dare ya!!
                  So, if you’re over 30 and still look believably young/younger under 32, and willing to LIE, you’re one of the lucky ones and you’ve got extra time. So, you better use it wisely to your advantage. If you’re not a lucky one, you’ve always got a future in a tribute band or doing your originals at some local clubs. Yes, you can still rock, just not on the scale you hoped for. Try to find some solace in that. Shit, there are plenty of hot chicks at any age that would still be interested in hooking up with you after the show. There are plenty of young girls who have a “daddy” fetish that would like to “experiment” with you. When you’re done being their “daddy,” you can do their mommy, as in milf. So, don’t off yourself.
                   Happy Rockin’ kids!!!
Crappy!!  xo (smooch!!)
Published in: on January 10, 2010 at 3:42 pm  Comments (4)  

Crappy’s Guitar 101: Episode 6 Choosing a Guitar Teacher and Other Forms of Learning

            See, I’m not about being a vicious tornado of ball busting destruction. Wait…who the fuck am I kidding??!! YOU bet your fuckin’ ass I am!!! Hhhaaaa haa haaaa!!!!!!!!!
           Finding a guitar teacher in today’s world who REALLY knows how to play and is well rounded is next to impossible. Or, slim to none and Slim left town. If you can find a player who can burn, and by burn I mean similar to my definition of this, you are one incredibly fortunate son-of-a-bitch. Now, they CAN be a guy who burns but may not be able to teach you anything other than technique, which is just fine. And, also has the ability to “teach.” (Having the ability to actually teach someone something, impart knowledge to another, really is a talent unto itself.) If that’s the case, that player is worth his proverbial weight in gold. Again, this is based on my definition of a real technician player. Which, by this time, if you’ve been keeping up with my columns, you should have a very good idea what this means. If not, get your fuckin’ ass back to the beginning and start reading.
           If you have the misfortune of living in a one horse town, well, your going to have to make due with some other things that I’ll be covering right here in this installment. Some things can ONLY be learned through human contact. You’re very limited by reading text. You can get a much better idea by watching a video. But, to have someone, one-on-one in front of you telling you, “Don’t do this, don’t do that. Do this, do that,” this is what NEEDS to be done. There is no two ways about it and ABSOLUTELY NO WAY around it.
        You see, I am about doing it RIGHT the FIRST mutherfucking TIME. I don’t like the term “old school” since every rap/hip-hop cock-suckin’ walkin’ pile of pig shit uses this once cool term, but I really am “Old School.” And, you as a player must take on my attitude of doing it right the first time too. Now, if you just wanna play guitar a little, get together with some neighborhood pals and start a garage band and have fun getting shit-faced drunk doing it, then my columns are not really for you. You can certainly get something out of them, but they’re directed at people who want to take music seriously and for it to be their life. Becoming a real musician is a serious business and YOU must take it seriously just as I have. And, not forget that this IS a BUSINESS, and YOU must treat it as such.
          I feel that I’m beginning to get into my new, soon to be started column entitled, “Crappy’s Music Business 101,” so I’ll bring it back to the topic at hand. You need to audition the teacher you’re considering to take lessons from. Did you find him through an advertisement? Did you walk into a music store? Did a friend or some jack-off you don’t know, tell you about this guy? You need to hear this guy go off in some way to get an idea what he can do, and if what he can do is what you’re looking to learn. If he looks pretty good at this point, you may have to actually pay for a few lessons with him to see if he can teach you and is patient with your learning curve. Some guys are kick-ass players but can’t teach you how to spell C-A-T. So, after 1-2 or 3 lessons you will know if you want to continue with this guy, or drop this cock, and continue looking.
          If you can’t locate an instructor, you’ll have to make due with video’s and the Internet. There are many places on-line you can go and I’m sure you know some already. Technically, Paul Gilbert’s videos can give you a great foundation in that area. As for your musical education, you can get a nice, sizable chunk learned at your local junior/city college, and supplement that with the video’s and on-line stuff.
Up next…… Crappy’s Guitar 101: Episode 7 Your Attack
Published in: on December 4, 2009 at 12:10 pm  Comments (1)  

Crappy’s Guitar 101: Episode 5 Picking

                Yep, I’m back and with a bloodthirsty vengeance. This subject is CRUCIAL. In fact, being able to correctly pick is the “do-or-die” ability of being a proficient player. If you can’t pick CORRECTLY and WELL, you are half the player you are supposed to be, and you will NEVER be the COMPLETE, WELL ROUNDED player you could be and SHOULD BE.
                Now, I’ve gone off on so many dip-shits on the Internet that I may as well talk about picking too. There are many, many variations to picking. But just a couple that are the most proficient. And, after all, if you’re going to put in the hours, days, weeks, months and in some cases years to do something, it’s pure logic you should do it the best and most proficient way possible. And, with comfort, endurance and longevity in mind.
                There is a guitarist who made the following statement coming up that I found really fucking funny and I can’t argue against his comment. This guitarist who is very, very good, said this then later retracted it. So, because he retracted it, he may have realized he shouldn’t have said it. So, I won’t tell his name but I will repeat his comment which was about Paul Gilbert. I paraphrase,
             ” Paul Gilbert isn’t doing anything that a trained monkey with arthritis and a metronome couldn’t do.”
              This comment is one of the funniest fuckin’ things I’ve heard in many years. Paul has come up with some neat and fun shapes, and I like some of the stuff he’s done quite a bit. But, most of it if not all of it are very simple things done very fast.
                 Paul Gilbert has showed you how to play his stuff. He’s done the exact same things, “concepts” in great detail for well over 20 years. And, you blind and deaf mutherfuckers still haven’t learned. So, I doubt my contribution will put much of a dent in things, but, what the fuck.
The Problem:  Not doing what I’m telling you.
The Fix:         Doing what I’m telling you.
             Rather than going into all the bad habits and poor techniques, I’m going to just cut to the correct things to do.
            For the visual portion of this lesson, watch any of Paul’s instructionals. Ignore his left hand completely. Watch his right hand only. His right hand is completely relaxed. His shoulders are level. Meaning he doesn’t have his right shoulder raised up by his ear (except when he’s sitting down with the guitar on his right leg then it’s raised slightly). For the most part he doesn’t bend his thumb while picking. I say, don’t bend your thumb for any reason. You’re resting the heel of your palm the portion where your little finger (the blade of your little finger) is connected on the bridge, just in front of the saddles. 
            When you are sitting down to play, have your guitar on your left leg. NOT your right. Having it on your left leg puts the guitar in a neutral and center position. And, is the most ergonomic and easy position to be in and to be in for a long period of time. Your thumb is straight with a very small part of the pick sticking down and out from the side of your thumb. You’re resting on the strings slightly in front of the bridge and also resting the upper part of your forearm by your elbow on the edge of the guitar body. Choose which way you’re most comfortable holding the pick in the direction it’s going to slice the string. You only have two choices. It’s a diagonal angle, left on top down to the right, or right on top to down on the left. Again, that’s how you’re holding the pick with only one of those two directions. Close your hand. Keep your fingers curled in a little like making a fist but looser. Don’t flex your arms when playing. If you do, relax and focus on the loose, relaxed wrist movement.
              Unsynchronized picking is when there is no control in your picking and some notes get picked 2 or 3 times, some picked once, and some may not get picked at all. There is no coordination or precision of any kind and it’s just a mess. Remember, you’re not fooling anyone with this shit.
             The key visual is watching Gilbert. And, only use the bridge (rear) pickup and a metronome. Speed comes naturally from doing the same thing over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over and a fairly slow speed with the metronome and making small incremental increases over some time. 
              That’s about it. Don’t anchor any fingers anywhere on the guitar body. Don’t have your fingers sticking straight out either. And, stop making things harder than they really aren’t. Watch his vids. He’s showing you how to do it. I think that’s it. But, I may add or do some refining to this “Picking” section so be aware. After all, I’m NOT getting paid for this!!           
 Crappy All Mighty.

Crappy’s Guitar 101: Episode 6 Choosing a Guitar Teacher and Other Forms of Learning

Episode 1 Pickup Abusers
Published in: on December 3, 2009 at 4:05 pm  Comments (3)  

Crappy’s Guitar 101: Episode 1 Pickup Abusers or Pickup Fuck-ups

          In this new column entitled “Crappy’s Guitar 101” I’m going to talk about the DO’s and DONT’s of guitardom. This will be a limited run of columns and won’t necessarily be a regular column as in weekly or monthly. But rather, when I feel like it. So, for this alone you may want to check back.
         I’ve decided to attempt to teach you knuckle-dragging, cavemen mongrels (if it’s at all possible to teach people so brain-damaged as yourselves) some simple tips, brain-numbing obvious things and general ideas you can implement, to improve your own pathetic playing. Or as I like to call it, your hacking away on that poor defenseless instrument the same as you’re chopping a small tree with a hatchet. Now, playing a guitar well, is not as hard as so many of you may think. Although, for some of you getting that beer or joint to your mouth is a challenge.
         Because playing the electric guitar technically speaking, is relatively simple. There are only so many ways to do it. Most are incorrect. And, I’ll cover these and other things in future 101’s. So, since there isn’t too much to it, unless you’re one of the tens of millions who like to make a mountain out of a mole hill as is done with playing guitar… my columns will be relatively short. My columns will typically (unless otherwise) be broken down into two (2) categories:
1. The Problem
2. The Fix
        Today, I will educate you birdbrain’s about proper use of pickups. When to use which one. What to use when you practice.
        I thought youtube was a great Internet goodie in the beginning. Now, it’s more painful than it is fun when watching some kind of music. It allows me to see just how vast the number is of jack-asses who can’t play guitar, and then are complimented be equally stupid, spectator assholes encouraging them by leaving positive comments.
The Problem:      Abusing the FRONT or NECK pickup. 
This IS the biggest fuck-up I see (AND HEAR!!). On youtube and at any local guitar store.
The name of the front pickup is “THE CHEAT PICKUP.”
           It’s called the cheat pickup because, if you can’t play clean, flip to the cheat to cover up ALL of your mistakes. The low frequency bass that cuts out all of the treble and most of the mid’s, HIDES what you are really doing. And, what you’re really doing is SLOP, SLOP, SLOPPY!!  You are CHEATING!!! You are NOT playing FAST, YOU ARE NOT PLAYING CLEAN. YOU ARE FAKING!!! YOU REALLY CAN NOT PLAY FAST OR CLEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are lying to everyone listening and most importantly, you are lying to yourself. You putrid fuckers really think you’re kidding US??!!!!!!…..THE EXPERTS!!!!!!!! You LIARS think you’re tricking us, putting one over on us. Bull-Fuckin’-Shit!!!
           The front pickup is a crutch to those who can’t play. To those who can play, it’s just another tool for the creation process of this art form.
The Fix: The Bridge Pickup aka Rear Pickup.
The bridge pickup, DOES NOT LIE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The bridge pickup TELLS THE TRUTH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Using the bridge pickup will EXPOSE EVERYTHING YOU ARE DOING WRONG!!!!!!!!
And, for this reason alone, you will use the bridge pickup EXCLUSIVELY DURING YOUR NORMAL DAILY PRACTICING.  
When you can play CLEAN with the bridge pickup, you then may use the front pickup as desired and NOT AS A CRUTCH.
 Here endeth today’s lesson.
Crappy xo
Click the link here for Episode 2: 
Published in: on April 10, 2009 at 4:03 pm  Comments (2)  


I strongly recommend that all of you go out and buy Eric Clapton’s “Unplugged” CD. It’s one of his best-selling records. I know what you’re saying. You’re saying, “But Crappy, what the fuck am I going to do with it once I get it?” I knew you were going to say that, so I present here the Top 10 Things To Do With Eric Clapton’s “Unplugged” followed by a review of the album.


Top 10 Things To Do With “Unplugged”

10. Pass it around to your friends and tell them it’s music.


9. Throw it down in the streets of Beverly Hills and wait for Ozzy Osbourne to come by and take a piss on it.


8. Set up speakers in your garden and play it to keep snails off the cucumbers.


7. Two words: Toilet paper.


6. Use as picnic plates for very small people like midgets and Cambodians.


5. Punishment for children who fail to do their homework.


4. Play it at your next party and scare the shit out of all your guests by saying it’s the new Van Halen album.


3. Have a shooting contest where everybody gets their rifles and aims for the hole in the middle of the CD. The winner is the person who misses the hole and busts the CD all to hell.


2. Leave on the seats of a bunch of drunk bikers’ Harleys and run like hell.


1. Take a bunch of them to an Eric Clapton concert and sail them at his head each time he tries to start “Tears in Heaven.”



Crappy’s Quality Review of “Unplugged”

Here are all the tracks on this record and a brief description of what each song is about.


1. “Signe” – French for “sign,” here Clapton sings about signs that should tip you off that he is the shittiest musician ever to pick up a guitar.


2. “Before You Accuse Me” – Clapton wrote this song while in jail in Barcelona, Spain, after local authorities arrested him for performing public abortions (also known as Clapton guitar solos).


3. “Hey Hey” – This is a tune about the plight of the American farmer, but Clapton misspelled the word “hay.”


4. “Tears in Heaven” – One of Clapton’s most famous songs, mistakenly considered to be written about his son. Actually it’s Clapton’s prediction of what’s going to be happening in heaven once his no-talent ass shows up there.


5. “Lonely Stranger” – A beautiful ballad about Clapton’s first sexual experience.


6. “Nobody Knows You When You’re Down & Out” – This is a recap of Clapton’s life, dedicated to all six of his fans.


7. “Layla” – Another of Clapton’s biggest hits, this one about a 12-year-old Dominican prostitute named Layla who taught Clapton how to make chipolte sauce and then gave him the clap.


8. “Running on Faith” – A cute song about what Clapton’s been doing his whole career.


9. “Walkin’ Blues” – Like Alec Baldwin said in Glengarry Glen Ross, “It’s fuck or walk,” and Clapton’s been walking since the day he picked up the guitar. Here Clapton sings about his travels as a wannabe musician.


10. “Alberta” – A song not about the Canadian province but rather about a man Clapton once knew named Albert who was a cross-dressing male homosexual posing as a lesbian predator on life’s stage.


11. “San Francisco Bay Blues” – Yet another attempt on Clapton’s part to mislead his listeners into believing he can play blues.


12. “Malted Milk” – This song is about Clapton’s favorite mixed drink: milk spiked with Henry Weinhard’s Private Reserve, which makes no more sense than any of his songs.


13. “Old Love” – Here Clapton sings about income tax preparation, which was the career he was headed for before some evil motherfucker suggested he should take up the guitar.


14. “Rollin’ & Tumblin’” – A song about Clapton’s second sexual experience – and how he had to chase his sister all over the room before she passed out and he could rape her.



Do you want to know who I am? Who the hell is Crappystruth?? Click this link below to learn more about me.

Sharon Osbourne ( A.K.A. The Devil )

          I have had the misfortune of dealing with this yeast-infected Cunt one time and one time only when I was back-stage at an Ozzfest show. I would have never imagined that so much filthy raw sewage and venom could be stuffed into such a short, fat little Candarian Demon Troll (CDT) as Sharon. This is of course at the time before “It” left the States to have the mythical 3 foot leaches suck the fat out of “It’s” disease-ridden carcass. I don’t expect “IT” to remember me. Since when does any tyrant-dictator remember their victims or the carnage they’re responsible for. Besides it being some years ago. Some of you may be familiar with some of the acting work Sharon has done. Sharon plays “Itself” as the Alien Queen in all the “Alien” films. So it’s not a stretch for “It.” 

       Ozzy’s wife/mother/handler Sharon Osbourne, goes above and beyond your average filthy cut-throat music business shark. You may hear from time to time stories or “tales” of a “creature” that redefines the terms “cold-blooded” — “heartless” — “sinister” –“soulless” these and others are terms that fit Sharon Osbourne right down to “It’s” cloven hooves. Allow me to share with you a little short story and other little tid bits woven in, about Sharon “the troll cunt” Osbourne and what a wonderful piece of work “It” is.

     When Ozzy had his falling out with Black Sabbath he spent time trying to commit suicide using drugs and alcohol and in time “The Beast” Sharon found him and tried to clean him up for the sole purpose of using him as a tool (which she still does to this day. Working Ozzy like he’s a mule plowing one thousand acres.) to try to make a name for “Itself” in the process. To show “It’s” father that “It” could do something with “It’s” worthless existence besides be an albatross the size of a tow-truck to everyone “It” encountered. Speaking of a tow-truck that’s just what Sharon resembled through most of “It’s” life. As with all Candarian Demon Trolls they will eat anything they get their claws on (chairs, license plates, tires, whatever is within reach and can be chased down) or until their gut bursts. And Sharon was no different. In addition to having a face only a mother could love or in “It’s case “like”, it is also a face that’s been slam-kissed hard by the grills of several Kenworth tractor-trailers. CDT’s are also known for waddling out into traffic aimlessly.

       Sharon has never loved Ozzy, Sharon married Ozzy in order to have total and complete control over “It’s” “investment” which anyone with two eyes can see by the way Sharon slave-works that poor son-of-a-bitch. Let’s not forget about the two humanoid looking slugs Sharon birthed, but I’ll touch on that later. So, controlling CDT’s can be a very tricky and very dangerous endeavor. I’ve heard one way is by using highly modified “Hot-shot” type cattle prods that produce a massive electrical jolt that will knock a 1,400lb cow directly on it’s ass AND incapacitate the animal for up to 30 minutes. In the case of CDT Sharon it will get the creature to move in the direction the prod user desires.

People who are familiar with early Ozzy meaning the Randy years may have heard of the names Bob Daisley and Lee Kerslake. These two Cat’s handled bass and drum duties respectively on the Randy/Ozzy material. Here is one of the typical moves that make Sharon a unique, British Bull Dog piece of shit. One day when Sharon was wallowing in the stench it’s outdoor pen, it came up with an idea to make a little more money by pulling out the old masters that Bob and Lee performed on, and removing Bob and Lee’s important contribution on those recordings. Then hiring some studio guys, and for a flat fee, rerecord Bob and Lee’s parts thereby eliminating having to rightfully pay royalties to Bob and Lee. Isn’t that a nice thing for Sharon to do for Bob and Lee?? After all, it was such a heavy burden for these two guys to have to periodically go out to their horrible mailbox to take out a royalty check once in a while. Well Sharon fixed that, didn’t it?

A very talented guitar player by the name of Joe Holmes temporarily replaced Zakk-fuck and from what I heard, Ozzy himself said he really liked Joe. Ozzy said Joe was totally a team player and very professional and very enjoyable to be around. But the fans wanted Zakk. Of this statement the one thing I don’t believe is the fans wanted Zakk. Why do I feel this? Because I’ve seen the crowds go nuts for Joe, that’s why. People were very bummed out about Jake E. Lee leaving, but I don’t recall a fan revolt about it. And, I don’t recall hearing of a fan revolt about shit-for-brains Wylde leaving either. I think what it came down to was Sharon probably has a “thing” for Zakk and likes fantasizing about breeding with him as often as possible. Joe was with Ozzy from 1995 after the recording of Ozzmosis to 1998. Then rejoined in 2000 for the Ozzfest tour and later left but not before co-writing Facing Hell, junkie, and That I Never Had for the Down to Earth album. In addition Joe worked for the greatest front-man in rock music history, David Lee Roth.

So, Joe Holmes has had serious tenure with the two biggest, legendary frontmen of all time. Now, that doesn’t happen by accident, kids. You’ve got to have your act together like nobody’s business.

Let’s not forget that worthless “The Osbournes” t.v. show. And, how Sharon sent an actual box of shit to a British reviewer who panned the show in a review of his own. Yep, Sharon is truly an even bigger pile of walking shit than Zakk. Those two fuckin’ slugs Sharon birthed, Jack and the other fat one, are the worst attempt at cloning I’ve ever seen. Listening to Rhinoceros Kelly try to sing, sounds just like the sound Loyd made from Dumb and Dumber right after he asks, “Wanna hear the most irritating sound in the world?” These two offspring are perfect examples of how the rich have no excuse for having fat children. And, the perfect reason to support abortion. Although young produced by CDT Sharon, it’s expected they’ll be huge, fat-ass, worthless wastes of space, not unlike the creature that birthed them. Sharon Osbourne…… I wouldn’t be surprised if Sharon moonlighted as some sort of an instructor to a terrorist group.

         Well, there ya go kiddies.   … Beware of the music business, the creatures that dwell within it….and the dark.

         Because……… there really IS something lurking underneath your bed AND in your closet at night.

 Your light at the end of the tunnel……Crappy  ox!

p.s. If you’re the type that really appreciated Randy Rhoads/Ozzy material, the two BEST and ONLY replacements for Randy before Jake E. Lee and even after Jake, would have been:  Craig Collins Turner or Chet Thompson. Both pupils of Randy’s. Craig very senior over Chet.

These two players would have continued that kind of songwriting but in their own way and we would’ve had many more terrific albums than this fuckin’ bullshit that Ozzy’s put out instead.

Do you want to know who I am? Who the hell is Crappystruth?? Click this link below to learn more about me.

PART TWO: Why YOU Over Paid by Hundreds to Tens of Thousands of Dollars for YOUR Electric Guitar and should have YOUR Fuckin’ Head Bashed In for Doing It… PART TWO

In my part two here,  I’m going to focus on a few specifics. And, they are, “RELICS”…….”FRETBOARD RADIUS”…….”24FRET NECKS”…..”FRETWIRE”…….”FLOYD ROSE/SCHALLER-FLOYD’S/IBANEZ ORIGINAL EDGE BRIDGES.”


When a guitar has that worn out or worn in look, sometimes it can look pretty cool. Ed Van Halen’s Frankenstrat’s look pretty cool with that look, don’t cha think? But, it’s rare to come across such a thing. What does it mean when you see that worn in look?  Well, fortunately for you I’m here to explain this. A worn in/out looking guitar means the guitar owner has played the shit out of it. That took no fuckin’ brains to figure out.

Putting in the flight time to be a good player (a good player in theory) will naturally, depending how abusive you are, create the worn marks on your guitar. This could be looked upon as a badge of honor. You’ve put in many long hours to hone your craft and these are the markings of that effort. That is why a person would think it looks cool. We all know Edward VH for example, has put in his time, so his axes look very cool. And, I really do believe when you play a guitar over a long period of time, it has your energy all over it. I might go so far as to say your “personality.” So, why on earth would someone WANT to buy a brand new guitar, fresh outta the box, that looks like “someone else” has broken it in with THEIR energy/personality all over it??!!

ANSWER: One answer is, because there are so many, millions in fact, of horrible fuckin’ hack guitar users (you’re not even worth calling guitar players), that the nightmare thought of “ACTUALLY PRACTICING CORRECTLY” wakes you up in the middle of the night in great fear and cold sweats. There is always someone looking to find a better, easier way to do something, and that’s great. BUT….to buy a guitar to give the “illusion”  and, I’ll go so far as to say “trick” people who come over to your shack, in to thinking that you’ve put in the practice time, is bullshit, embarrassing, and quite frankly, pathetic. And, you know the jig is up what they hear you TRY to play.

Another reason may be, is that you’re just too muther fuckin’ lazy. How’s that for simplicity?? Ya stupid, gutless fuckers. Now, if you’re one of the few who fortunately have the brains to have figured this out all on your own, without any help, then you may laugh along with me.



Fretboard radius is not a new satellite radio service. Fretboard radius may be something some of you don’t understand and that’s okay, I’ll explain. Fretboard radius is the arc or curve of the the fretboard that can most easily be seen when you hold up your guitar to your eye horizontally at one end and look down the length of the guitar neck. This is also the technique to check the neck to see if the neck needs the truss rod adjusted. The neck will have a bend or bow in it that would require a quarter turn or so (maybe more, maybe less) of the truss rod, depending on the severity of the bow.

Now, back to radius. Anything more than a zero degree radius is a very bad thing. Zero degree radius means the fretboard is totally and completely flat. You’ve noticed when you bend notes with very low action, the note will fret out. Right? This happens because of the curvature of the fretboard and when bending the note, the string comes in contact with another fret. When you eliminate the curvature, you eliminate the problem of fretting out and then you can have terrifically low action on your guitar and bend notes over the top of the neck. A small fix to the problem if you don’t have a zero radius board, is to possibly have the frets leveled which isn’t cheap. This will be a fairly decent fix. But not as good as zero radius.


Every guitar built should have no less than a 24 fret neck. 24 frets is two full octaves. What the fuck? Ibanez, Fender, and Gibson are the most produced guitars here in the States. Ibanez, with the exception of their basement line, all have 24 fret necks. As it should be. Why do I say this, you ask? Here is why: when making a typical neck, Fender and Gibson have gone to the trouble of making either 21 or 22 frets. Why stop??? This makes no muther fuckin’ sense!!! You’re two or three frets short of your goal!!! You go drive to the mall that’s 5 miles away, then stop and park your car three blocks from the mall. “Well, I drove 4 miles and 9/10ths, that’s good enough!!

                                 “FRET WIRE”

Fret wire comes in varying heights and widths. I personally like 6100 gauge. This was found first on the original Ibanez JEM 777 models. 6100 fret wire is the highest and widest fret available on mass market guitars that I’ve come across and I feel every guitar should come equipped with this gauge. Les Paul’s fret wire is very small and low, as though it’s on it’s last leg just before needing a fret job. Having large frets as with the 6100 is the closest you can get to a scalloped fretboard/neck which I really like. I’ll talk about scalloped boards in PART THREE.


These bridges are just the best things. I like the Schaller and Gotoh made Floyd’s better than the actual Floyd’s. And, I also like the Edge a bit better than the conventional Floyd because of the smoothness of operation over the Floyd as well. But the problem with the Edge (unless they’ve fixed this little glitch) is the Edge, from what I’ve learned from some Ibanez people very long ago, is the Edge is made by compressing small pellets of metals together, something like taking wet sand and molding it into a ball. Whereas, the Floyd and Schaller-Floyd is a solid piece of metal. So, if this is true, this may explain breakage’s with the vibrato bars and breakage’s with the Edge bridges themselves.

On a little added note about the Original Edge replacement bars. The tip that snaps into the Edge below the white washers is very different in shape than the original bar the JEM 777 and RG 540, 550, 570, 770 those in that range came with, and some of these asshole sales guys will tell you it doesn’t matter, it will fit anyway. My answer to this is….. BULLSHIT!!! And don’t you or anyone try to JAM/FORCE the bar into the bridge. It should only take a little pressure to get it to slide in and then there’s a final “snap” you can hear and feel once the bar is in all the way. The Original Edge bar’s end looks like a triangle cone shape with the tip cut off. The replacement’s look like a mutilated, half-ass attempt at reproducing the original with it being rounded rather than a sharp triangle cone.

The Jackson-Floyd’s are an entirely different story altogether. These Jackson Floyd bridges overall, are shit (UNLESS it’s Stamped “Made In Germany By Schaller” on the top by the bar hole. This is the ONLY EXCEPTION!! ). There is an occasional decent one I’ve found on a Dinky MG (arch top model. Some do play well), but you better watch out. The Allen wrench screws easily get fucked up, stripped or just plain defective from the factory and CAN NOT be switched for a real Floyd or Edge screws. Which I learned from a guy whose had even more experience at this than myself and has worked for almost 20 years with reps and tech’s from Jackson-Fender. However, your mileage may differ. And getting replacement screws from Jackson who is owned by Fender, is like writing a letter to Santa everyday asking why your new Vette wasn’t under the tree last year.

The fine tuners on the Jackson-Floyds rarely function right too. They feel like when they tapped them and/or the bridge, they didn’t do it correctly because when using the fine tuners they catch and stick and never move smoothly like an Edge, Schaller-Floyd and real Floyd. Plus, most of these half-ass Jackson-Floyd’s don’t stay in tune once their locked down.

That’s it for today kiddies!!

Crappy!! xo

Do you want to know who I am? Who the hell is Crappystruth?? Click this link below to learn more about me.

Zakk “Six Feet of Walking Goat Shit” Wylde A.K.A. Jeffrey Philip Wielandt, A.K.A Rectal-Discharge Personally Muther Fuckin’ SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, here we are again and here it is!! This is the “ONE” I said it was personal.  Of all the mail I get for all of the guitar hackin’ losers, this is the fuck I get the most for. This is the “ONE” muther fucker I have it in for. And I’m sure all of you can’t wait to find out what my personal vendetta is with this walking turd, Tedd Nugent poser muther fucker. All of you filthy slobs better go get all your food, cheap beer and all your photo’s of Zakk you like to wack off to and get comfortable. Before I begin, I want to start with some warm-up material to get ya in the mood.

Giving a guitar to Zakk Wylde and allowing him to procreate is like giving a gun to a chimp. I’ve heard Zakk enjoys making booze in the outhouse behind his shack home in the woods. Zakk Wylde has as much class and style as a used baby diaper burning in a vacant lot. Before Zakk Wylde I had never seen 6 feet of goat shit come to life and walk around. That repulsive, walking mucus, phlegm wad mother fucker would be right at home deep inside the nearest septic tank. Zakk plays with the same feeling and emotion as a medieval executioner doing his job. For you butt-munching morons who don’t understand that last comment, it means Zakk has no feeling or emotion. Zakk Wylde is as cool as getting warm dog shit in the grooves of you shoes.

As if this wasn’t enough. I saw this walking shit-stick at (the now defunct) Club Excess in Glendale California in May of 1991 when he was one of many acts performing at the Jason Becker benefit show to raise money for Jason’s medical treatment for A.L.S. (a.k.a. Lou Gehrig’s Disease) and other medical bills. Go to for more info on Jason, the disease and the wonderful guitar music Jason has created.

What is A.L.S. Lou Gehrig’s Disease?? Go look it up ya lazy mongrel bastards!)

I have met Jason a few times and been familiar with his music for years as well as him earning my respect as a peer and my admiration. Jason is one of the most warm, kind and giving people I’ve come across. To me Jason Becker is a piece of gold. In addition to Jason being at his own benefit show in his wheelchair I believe Jason’s entire family was present and together with him in the back of the club watching the show. So moving on. Zakk the shit attack with his band is bringing their gear up on stage just after the last band (whom I don’t remember nor give a shit). The club was soo jam packed with people the fire Marshall should have cleared out 100 or more people. I was told by some acquaintances that there were quite a few rock guitar celebrities present including Steve Vai, Joe Satriani, George Lynch and Steve Stevens were names I recall being thrown around. I didn’t see them because I couldn’t move from my spot, which I happened to be sitting on top of the bar with another 40 or so people. So if those guitar players plus many others that I was told about were really there or not is still unknown for sure.

Anyway getting back to the story. Zakk Fuck was bringing his gear up on stage and as I watched this, he (Zakk) began to get very agitated about something and in a very short period of time it was clear by Zakk’s body language, that Zakk was on the verge of exploding and I knew that whatever was going to happen with him it should be good and funny. And as I looked around I was amazed that with as dangerously over crowded as the building was, no one was paying any attention at all that this fucker was on the verge of blowing a gasket. The crowd was the loudest crowd I’ve ever experienced in a club. So much so I had to put my fingers in my ears and keep them there even between sets. So I was quite prepared when Zakk took control of the mic. And far louder than the crowd was, Zakk yells, “Which ever one of you fuckin’ assholes that stole my effects box if you got the guts to get up here I’ll kick your mother fuckin’ ass right now!!!!!”

Well, I had never seen nor heard of anything like this and neither had this audience. Because this crowd that had been so fuckin’ loud and rowdy, slamming shots and downing beer like it was their last day on the planet moments before, they could within just seconds of this happening, sound completely identical to a graveyard at 2 a.m. The silence was as abrupt as watching a u.f.o. doing mach 20 and instantly making a 100 degree turn without slowing down. Talk about the air and life being sucked out of the room. It took more than twelve minutes for the room to regain just fifty percent of it’s previous volume back. I know this because I was aware enough to actually time it with my Timex.

This must have been around the time in Zakk’s life when he was becoming a serious, full blown alcoholic because in addition to the above, to this day I’ve never seen it take any band soooo long to set up. Not even a bunch of stoned dumb asses screwing off. And yet Zakk and his hired hands looked like they were really working. So things are getting back to normal and I haven’t taken my eyes off this shit-heel fucker as he continues to set up his rig. Now, keep in mind, this is a “benefit show” for a very well known and very well respected and liked guitar player within the guitar community who has an extremely life-threatening disease. And with Jason’s family present no less, this scum-suckin’, walking pile of shit has the incredible disrespect for Jason and his family, not to mention all of us present, and outrageous nerve to say this. Zakk showed the professionalism of a spoiled three year old with an ear-ache having a temper tantrum.

So after what felt like it must have been an 8 hour work day worth of waiting, Zakk and the blind mice are about done setting up the stage to play when suddenly I see a guy waving at Zakk to get his attention. And after what seemed like the time it takes for nine Rose Parade floats to go by, he finally does get the drunk fuckers attention. Zakk staggers over, and this guy reaches up and hands Zakk “THE BOX!!,” the very effects box that has ignited all the disgraceful, embarrassing bullshit!! So I start to think that this is gonna get ugly real fast. Through the hand gestures the guy tells the Drunk that the box had fallen on the floor and as I’m watching this I can see from my own seat on top of the bar that the floor monitors which were pretty large to begin with all extended quite a bit beyond the edge of the stage and it’s dark all around there. So the box “ACCIDENTALLY” had gotten knocked off the stage on to the already dark floor and into the even darker area under the monitor. Here is a cool show spectator who “found” said box and “kindly” returned it. When someone helps you, a decent person shows some gratitude, thanks that person that helped them and maybe performs an act of kindness towards the person for finding and returning some personal property. That’s probably what was going to happen next…right?.


Zakk the classless, tactless unwashed piece of shit he is, begins to wave his hands at our hero “the good guy” to get away in a disgusted show and through my lip reading which in this case required no skill, Zakk is mouthing, “GO GO GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!! I DON’T GIVE A FUCK GO !!” After Zakk played that night and to this day (which by the way Zakk played with the skill of a 95 year old with arthritis or another way to put it, Kurt Cobain. That’s another topic.), I have NEVER heard of this miserable pile of goat puke EVER apologize for what he did that night. That was the beginning of the end for me saying anything positive about this walking road apple. Now, maybe some of you might think that I’m over reacting or it wasn’t aimed at me or some other line of politically correct bullshit, blah, blah, blah on and on. The thing that all of you need to keep in mind here and will help you is, I AM ALWAYS RIGHT, YOU ARE ALWAYS WRONG. There is no excuse for this act. An act that to this day I still can’t even find adequate words for. And not to apologize for it. This Son-of-a-Bitch should be banished. I saw Shit Fuck for the No Rest for the Wicked tour in ’88 which was his debut with Ozzy and he would hack up and spit these big snot blobs straight up into the air and catch them back into his mouth…on stage! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!!?!!

The best playing Wylde has done to date was on the No Rest album. That’s it. I’ve heard stuff from his Black Label Society band and it’s all just boring material that sounds just like it is, written and performed by a lifelong drunk with the same depth and flair as used toilet water running down a gutter.

Zakk has progressively gotten worse as a player both technically as well as compositionally. Besides the fact he is a degenerate. I’ve seen many video’s on-line with him playing live and in some form of studio setting and he keeps getting worse and worse. Yet, so many fuckin’ slobs keep supporting him that the only thing I can come up with to explain this is there are more and more painfully stupid people being born every second. Which is a major part of my central theme. There is an on-line interview that this underwear skid-mark did with Metal Edge I saw where he says he’s doing a live CD/DVD where he’s going to leave playing mistakes on it. WHAT?!! Doing a live recording to release commercially, you record many shows and pull the best performances off of all the shows if you don’t have one perfect show. A mix and match of sorts. BUT, when done you’re “supposed” to have the finished product be a “fuck-up free” product!!  So, Zakk the dung-heap feels it’s “okay” to release a fucked up CD/DVD because his fans aren’t worth a shit enough to do it right for them. Plus he’s too busy drinking more “black label” and operating his backyard hillbilly distillery to be bothered with it. Zakk has also thrown many drunken’ temper tantrums “on stage” with incoherent rants all throughout the United States and I believe Europe as well. Assaulting engineers by physically throwing his guitars and other objects at them and other Innocent people, from what I’ve heard through some first-hand accounts and other reliable sources through the grapevine. Believe it or not, I don’t give a shit.

Zakk clearly is one mentally and chemically unbalanced, sick mother fuckin’, son-of-a-bitch that needs to be locked up. The fucker shows signs of being a sociopath. All of you poser players even after knowing this who continue to worship this pig-shit deserve to be worthless on guitar and even more so in life you stupid fuckin’ chimps. If anyone ever wondered what a hairless adult size chimpanzee would look like, just look at Zakk. A talking monkey with an I.Q. of 48.

All of this leads me to my next subject which is related. What do you get when you take all the stuff about Zakk and much more, and give it a brain with an I.Q. slightly above 90? Those in the rock business may call “it” Satan. The rest of the world knows “it” as Sharon Osbourne

Sharon Osbourne (A.K.A. The Devil)… Coming Soon!!….

Love, Crappy!


Do you want to know who I am? Who the hell is Crappystruth?? Click this link below to learn more about me.

Why YOU Over Paid by Hundreds to Tens of Thousands of Dollars for YOUR Electric Guitar and should have YOUR Fuckin’ Head Bashed In for Doing It.

I don’t really know when it all became a tidal wave of price insanity. But it has gone so absolutely fuckin’ overboard the only other thing that these guitar prices resemble are the insane prices of classic muscle cars. In this post you may have to really use that bird-brain of yours and pay really close attention here cause this subject gets me so damn worked up (as if nothing else does),  I may be all over the place with this one. There was a time when an American made axe was the thing to own because “American Made” meant the highest quality…period. And I still feel that way, but today, that highest quality is only found in small, custom built shops by a tiny handful of the most incredible luthiers and pieces of functional art they create I’ve ever encountered!!

You may be asking yourselves, “Gee…..I wonder who these people are?? I’d like to check out these guitars! Where are they at? How could they make guitars better then my favorite store bought guitars? They can’t be as good as something from the big name custom shops, right? Can they?? I wonder what they look like? How much do they cost? What the hell is a luthier??!!! Why can’t I continue to be the lazy dumbfuck I am and blow my money on worthless, way, way overpriced junk like I always do?!!” Well, to answer that last one, you can continue to.

Now, I’ve got my own price ranges for off-the-rack guitars that I don’t violate. I will and do walk away with a clear conscience. I’ve never gotten fucked because of this.  I’ll normally buy used gear since what I buy is in some way very special and unique. And I know what it is I’m looking at and I have yet to find a seller I bought something from including from major guitar stores, who really knew what valuable gem it was that I’m relieving them of for a sick, basement price. You can do this too, but will you? Unlikely. Being a true shredding player as I’ve been, affords me the know-how ability to know what the score is and to take advantage of it when it comes along. 

               Store bought guitars; Prices and problems or lack thereof and what you’re really getting.

People today have this misconception that if their guitar is made in Japan, Taiwan, China, Korea, Indonesia (or whatever Asian country), Mexico etc.. that it’s in some way a piece of shit or sub-par to here in the States, relative to it’s American counterpart. That may have been true 20 to 30 years ago, but no longer (with a few exceptions for example Washburns entry level guitars specifically their X Series x9 now discontinued in that range. I tried a few of those out and the burs on the end of the frets were not removed and sliced up my hand. I found these in a Sam Ash store). Again, I am talking about mass produced, in-store stuff.

A big benefit to having some things made overseas in a second or third world country where they work for $2 a week is cool shit at a low price and a lot of it now, is made pretty fuckin good. I remember when Fender put out their first batch of Squire’s made in Mexico in ’90 or ‘91 I think, and Guitar Center was selling them for $179 and the lowest price I saw once was $149. A few of these toys actually played okay. Good enough in fact that I looked into buying 6 of them at a better bulk rate price to use during some shows to destroy live on stage.

In most cases with store bought, off the shelf guitars, wood is wood is wood. If you care that much about your wood, electronics and all the ingredients, you’ll go to a super high-end specialty builder like I mentioned above. But I’m sure you’re not, so…..the expensive guitars for what they’re charging isn’t much better than that companies lower end stuff.  Their price differential doesn’t reflect what you’re getting. Or what you’re really NOT getting. These guitars that are priced at $1,500 and way up into orbit, are made by machine. For that kind of money,  I want that fuckin’ axe to be breastfeed, burped, it’s ass powdered and gently rocked to sleep before it’s placed into my hands. In short, to have a ton of personal attention. For the companies that say, “Ours are hand made” the translation really means is they’ve got some clown standing by with a screwdriver and one screw to put in by hand so they can make that claim.

If you’re gonna buy “new” some makes and models I would suggest would be: Ibanez RG 550 now reissued in a 20th anniversary edition with some serious upgrades and they play even better than the originals. Jackson’s Dinky models, some are pretty damn good. Maybe some very minor adjustments when you get home with them and you’re off and burnin’. The biggest waste of money for an “illusion” are the upper end Les Paul’s and Fender Strat’s. I just can’t get over the price that so many of you dumb fuckin bastards shell out for this shit junk.

Before I get into that can-o-shit and boy will I, I’m not done with what to buy. Price ranges for new guitars should be from about $350-$800 plus tax but not over $800. That’s what you’re paying not that MSRP or that “sale” price bullshit. If you want something in particular done to your new baby, you can always find a local guy looking to make a name for himself to do some upgrades for you at a pretty reasonable price. From a simple pickup swap to a pretty bitchen paint job with graphics. Your guitar will be a very unique, one of a kind axe with your personality all over it. And the most important thing is, in the end you’ll have a totally ass-kickin guitar in every way for much less than that $5,000 – $30,000 off the rack junk that will totally out play those pieces of shit. 

Brian Setzer Gretsch Hollow Body Electric Guitar Limited to 59 List $30,000, Fender’s EVH “Frankenstrat” Limited to 300 List $25,000–rumored to now be $35,000, Fender’s  SRV “Lenny” $17,000,  Fender Custom Shop Jeff Beck Tribute Esquire Limited Edition Electric Guitar $15,000 List, Fender Limited Edition Relic Andy Summers Telecaster List $15,000, Paul Reed Smith Private Stock Custom $10,000, ESP KH20 Kirk Hammett Signature Model  $9,999, ESP Limited Editon GL20 George Lynch $8,999,  some USED PRS “Dragons” from $16,000 to $30,500. And this bullshit goes on and on and on and…..

So…Les Paul’s and Strat’s. These guitars represent old, tired, outdated technology that never upgraded with innovation’s and new technology to change with the times and grow beyond what they were. This is overall crap by todays standards that was the best it could be for the 1950’s.  But now just has-been’s and over priced. I always laugh my ass off when I hear so many of you head trauma’s use the word “vintage” like you knuckle dragging butt-fucks really know what the fuck your talking about let alone what the word means.

Let’s see if I can continue to help you here. VERY FEW things that are old are vintage but everything to you corner gas station grease monkeys is vintage because you know nothing and I know everything. Vintage means “rare” and “special” representing the highest quality of a past time which supports what I just said in the previous paragraph’s beginning. So mass produced clones even when called “limited edition” and “relic” (Relic, another fuckin’ joke and possibly the biggest joke, you stupid ditchdiggers fall for.) are not vintage anything but to you blind sheep they are.

There have been a pretty large variety of guitars that have come out over the years and in particular from Fender. Many by Fender came out in the sixties that were experimental and came with, wacky body styles and the wood for the bodies I fuckin’ swear must  be plywood with screwball switches/toggles, useless attempts at making bridges with vibrato bars where the strings partially wrap around a rounded piece of metal. Then there’s Gibson’s 1962 SG and the 1963 Les Paul custom 2 more pieces of shit. Hofner…ugh shit. And suddenly… abrupt as they appeared, they disappeared. Then low and behold,  some 40 odd years later they reappear again as “vintage reissues.” Buyers by the thousands flock to snatch up these reissues. Well, I got news for ya, ya bird-brain jack-offs, there was a reason why all of them were discontinued and instantly became extinct over 40+ years ago…..BECAUSE THEY FUCKIN’ SUCKED!!!!!!!!!

Why have they reissued them and will continue to reissue their old, poorly designed garbage, made with the  cheapest materials that could be found??! Because they know something you don’t. “What is it they know that I don’t? Shit! I’m a smart guy! I buy my beer when it’s on sale sometimes. I watch the evening news to see the sports scores when they come on. See, I keep up!!” What they know is YOU, ALL OF YOU, can’t think for yourselves and can be told and sold a polished pile of shit and you’ll be proud to be the first on your block to own it and show it off to your equally idiotic neighbors, who don’t want to be one upped by you, and will run out and get their very own polished turd. To show everyone, “See!! I’m on top of things too!! I know what is good cause this is what I was told was good! See I’m an independent thinker!! I’m my own person and I can almost think for myself!”

Do you want to know who I am? Who the hell is Crappystruth?? Click this link below to learn more about me.

NO Fuckin’ chick can Rock. Broads CAN NOT Rock and Chick Bands Totally FUCKIN’ SUCK!!

I thought I would deviate a little in this installment of SUCKS to focus on the continuing proliferation of dog shit chick bands. Before I begin, here are MY exceptions to MY rule. They are Phantom Blue (the original members) and Vixen. Phantom Blue was considered a female Racer X, the one and only. And maybe an additional group of females under about 5 total that I’ve heard that have some ability to use an electric guitar. This has nothing to do with male member bands who have female singers, and there are only a few bands that I accept with female singers because these females are genuine powerhouses (these bands to be named later).

Watching a typical group of dingbat broads attempting to use musical instruments is just like watching someone’s pet trying to pull it’s stuck head out of a paper bag. No matter how many times I watch it, I just can’t stop laughing. Chicks, with the rare exceptions, do not possess the physical strength and dexterity to develop the technical ability to play a stringed instrument. Chick bands overall, at best are a novelty but really chick bands are the funniest joke in the music world.

“Hey, Crappy, what’s wrong with girl bands?? I think your head’s up your ass, dude!! Girls can rock just as hard as any guy bands out there. Bonnie Raitt can rock you asshole!! Avril Lavigne can rock!” I’ve heard these and other similar feeble comments that are all based in utter fantasy land. You little “twats” that throw this silly shit at me is like throwing a stick at the side of a 50 story building and expecting some damage to occur.

Besides these typical idiot chicks lacking any form of physical and technical ability, the songs they come up with are just the worst shit. I’m not a fan of The Runaways at all, but I’ll give ’em credit for in some way being original. I’ve found it strange how most if not all butch-dykes are into The Runaways but way more so, other chick bands where the songs are guy bashing. And they’ve got this theme of “woman power” which I find funny. Woman power…..I’m gonna try to stay away from that bunch-a-shit except to say, it was, it is, and will always be….. a man’s world. So get used to it.

Oh, and just a little “secret tip” here for all ya dumb, little, fat and skinny bitches….. chopping off your hair, getting tattoos and piercings won’t change the fact that so many of you are fuckin’ ugly. Be it fat-ass tubs or skinny bean poles it really doesn’t matter. The more of that shit you do to yourselves the fewer guys are gonna want to fuckin’ deal with you.

I personally don’t like tat’s on a chicks lower back, let alone anywhere else on her body. When I’m plowing some chick from behind and I see this, it’s like having a big neon sign I’m looking down on saying, “Eat at Joe’s” or “Toyota’s biggest dealership west of the Mississippi,” I fuckin’ hate it!!! And having piercings through area’s “south of the border” on a chick. When I go “downtown,” on some chick, I want to see, smell, and taste the girl. That’s all. I don’t want to be shockingly and angrily surprised to see “YKK” while I’m down there.

And, let’s not forget how miserable it is to be within 30 feet of a bitter, mean, wretched, nasty and hateful fuckin’ bitch. It’s hard enough for a guy to get drunk enough to charity fuck your ass, but to have to close his eyes and pretend you look okay while putting up with your man bashing bullshit, after a large number of hard drinks is just asking way too much.

Back to the subject. Some names mentioned above I’ll comment on. Bonnie Raitt, isn’t a rocker. She’s another of too many that get confused with rockers by you ignorant twinks. Raitt is a folk/country performer. Occasionally using a distorted guitar tone a “rocker” does not make. Here is some “Rock 101” for ya, an acoustic guitar is used to intro the main body of a song and then coming out of the main body of the song to it’s ending. Or for some songs entirely for an occasional ballad. Also for the biggest abomination, “unplugged.” Yes, anything “unplugged” is the biggest humiliation a rock/metal band can perform on themselves. What’s wrong with girl band’s? I just got done telling you, ya thick headed asshole.

Avril Lavigne…. aside from me having a little interest in plowing her back 40 little ass, the music she’s done is sometimes cute, but mostly goofy. To hear what material this chick would really like to be playing but will never have the stones to do it, you can check out Pintsize at . This material for this style of music which I normally don’t like, really kicks ass. This band is very, very tight as I would expect them to be with world renowned axe-man Paul Gilbert ensuring things are done right while at the same time Paul handling guitar duties.

This chick who’s fronting this band is going by the name “Pint” I have to say really knows her fuckin’ shit and my hat’s off to her. The production of these tunes I’m so happy to say is very good as well. The tunes that are available to hear for free on their site and Myspace page are all soooo strong and so enjoyable I really look forward to getting their CD and seeing them live.

See, that wasn’t so bad! I started off with cleaning your wound that’s called your brain and ended with some edification. This may not be the end of this chick stuff for me, but for now….go …play with yourselves…..and Pint, she’s a tasty one!

Your Pal, Crappy…